


to be known, not Known

by ToDefineIsToLimit



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Asexual Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Autistic Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Beholding Kink (The Magnus Archives), Dom/sub, Domestic Fluff, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Manhandling, Pet Play, Post-Apocalypse, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, cat play
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:41:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 26,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27626954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToDefineIsToLimit/pseuds/ToDefineIsToLimit
Summary: He went to Martin's side of the closet and pulled out the golden yellow jumper that he knew to be the softest Martin had.He pulled it over his head, enjoying the feeling of it against his bare skin, and turned to check the mirror and find out if he looked as ridiculous as he felt. He analyzed the grey hair and scar that peppered his appearance. Was he allowed this? To be soft and pliant after everything?"God you're adorable," Martin's voice came from behind him.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 116
Kudos: 273





	1. The beginning of kitty time

"Martin I'm ace."

"Jon, thanks for telling me but you don't have to come out every week," Martin teased, running his hand through Jon's hair without looking at him in a way that made Jon feel like a puddle.

It was a night like any other, they were together, on the couch in Martin’s flat. Jon’s head was in martin’s lap and martin was reading. Jon sometimes had trouble relaxing into this but the further they got away from the apocalypse, the easier it was to simply let fear be an emotion he felt rather than what he was.

"I know I just thought I should remind you before I say this next sentence," Jon muttered watching his hands as he repeatedly tapped his thumbs against each of his fingers in turn.

"Okay?" Martin looked down from his book. He was reading leaves of grass again. Jon couldn't stand Whitman but he knew it made Martin happy so he chose to ignore that particular poet.

"I have a kink and it's not a sexual thing but it's still enjoyable for me and I was wondering if you would like to be involved," Jon said quickly.

Martin blinked down at him with wide eyes, as if he were a deer and Jon were an oncoming car.

After just a bit too long he said, "I…? Wait really?"

Jon huffed and sat up, he couldn’t do this with martin looking down at him like this, "No Martin I thought this would be a very funny joke."

"No, no, wait, hang on, no need to get defensive you just surprised me what's the kink?" Martin asked, reaching out slightly but not trying to stop jon from pulling away, respecting an unspoken boundary.

But Jon still wanted to be touching Martin, so he extended a leg across the couch to reinitiate contact with martin’s knee. A silent signal that Martin pressed into.

"You can’t tell anyone," Jon warned him.

"I wouldn't."

"And you can't laugh or- or make those little cooing noises when you think I'm adorable or-"

"Jon," Martin cut him off with a gentle hand on his shin, "You can tell me."

Jon exhaled slowly before speaking, this was Martin, and the worst he'd have to endure some gentle teasing, but Martin was safe.

"I am into pet play, more specifically being the pet."

Martin’s eyebrows flew up, "Huh, you know, I wasn't expecting that."

"What were you expecting?" Jon asked.

"A tickle kink maybe or I could honestly see you being a sadist or a masochi-"

" _A tickle kink?_ " Jon repeated in disbelief.

"It's possible! You _are_ very touch starved."

"I- I just- that was the top of your list?"

"Yeah, it was. But admit it, it wasn’t a terrible guess" Martin crossed his arms in front of him.

Jon felt his face heat, that wasn’t really something he’d thought about but Martin was right it wasn’t a terrible guess, "I mean… well we can discuss all that later."

"Right right so this cat thing-"

"I didn't say it was a cat thing," Jon interrupted sitting up straight.

"Yeah but… I mean I guess I shouldn't have assumed. Sorry, but isn't it?"

"I- yeah it is," Jon said somewhat helplessly. Martin really knew him, didn’t he?

"Okay, so what do you want me to do? Like hold the laser pointer, put out the bowls of milk or...?"

"Erm neither, necessarily. Although I wouldn't be opposed to the laser pointer if- if you promise not to be mean about it,” The words left his mouth before he thought about it, he charged on quickly, “But really, that's not what it’s about for me?"

"Alright, what is it about then?" Martin slid his hand into Jon's and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"It's more the- the touching and the uhm-" Jon froze and he realized her been about to say praise but there was absolutely nothing saying Martin would even want to praise him, that was a rather large assumption to make, "well yes the touching."

"So like petting?"

Jon nodded quickly, "It's ah- it's like- well... as a person affection has to be- you know- _earned_."

Jon looked away at this and slid his hand away from Martin and allowing his leg that was touching Martin to bounce as it pleased against the floor.

"You have to prove that you, you know, _deserve_ it, I guess. Cats they just… they just lie there or walk up to their person or make little noises and they get pets and-" Jon cut himself off again.

"And?" Martin prompted gently.

"And sometimes,” Jon said carefully, flicking his eyes briefly to see Martin’s face and looking away, “people will- if they want to that is- they’ll say nice things, like 'good kitty' 'pretty kitty' just because- I- god I sound like a madman. I'm sorry this is-"

"Hey," Martin said, and Jon looked at him, "you’re doing great."

"I'm rambling."

"Yeah a bit," Martin admitted with a huff of laughter, "but does the rambling feel better than keeping quiet?"

Jon sighed, "Yes."

"Then keep going. I'll be here listening till you’re done," Martin promised.

"It's- it's just about being loved for who I am or I suppose what I am in this case, and not for what I'm doing or- or not doing. Which isn't fair, I know, I _should_ be offering something up _to love_ , some _reason_ , but it just feels nice I guess. And if you don't want to its-"

"I do though."

Jon just looked at him, "I'm not particularly interesting like that. I- I'm just very quiet and touchy, nothing too exciting."

"I want to be with you like that." 

"Why?" 

Jon didn't know why he asked that. That wasn't a fair question and he probably wouldn't like the answer. Because Martin was just doing this as a favor and it would be something Jon would have to pay back if not explicitly then likely in some big thank you gesture or in trying out something Martin wanted whether or not he was interested.

"Because I always love you. Even when you aren't doing anything for me. So the only difference here is that maybe you'll let me show it without getting all self-deprecating."

Oh.

"Oh," Jon said softly.

That wasn't what he expected.

Martin just chuckled and shook his head, "'Why?'" He mimicked in an imitation of Jon's voice, "You really are very dumb sometimes, Mr. 'I used to know everything'. I don't know if you've noticed but I kinda adore y-" 

Martin was cut off with a little 'oof' sound as Jon tackled him in a hug.

"Thank you," Jon mumbled into his neck.

Martin just sighed and pulled Jon into his lap, "You don't have anything to thank me for."

Jon hummed a soft note, it would be so nice to just sink into the comfort Martin was giving but…

"Martin?"

"Hmm?"

"Is- would be alright if I…" he trailed off, unsure of how to vocalize this question. His face was still buried in the thick soft cables of Martin's sweater

"Oh! Now?" Martin sounded surprised.

Jon flinched, "Sorry I-"

"No hey that's alright, was just surprised," Martin assured him, "Is there anything you need?" 

Jon sighed, not wanting to bother Martin with the things that he usually did for himself before he went in but if Martin was offering...

"I uh- I'd like to put on more comfortable clothes?" He forced out the words. He had a few outfits here from other times he’d stayed the night he might have a different button-up that was a little softer and more well worn...

"Okay, would you like one of my jumpers?" Martin offered natural as anything.

"Please?" Jon said.

"Sure, is there anything else? Would you like to do move this to the bed?"

"That would be good and ah- I usually like to get myself snacks and some water," Jon said nervously.

"Okay, you head in there and go ahead and get comfortable and I'll get you snacks and water."

"Okay," Jon stood and made his way to the room, stripping off his trousers first, then the shirt and binder, letting out a few heavy coughs. He went to Martin's side of the closet (since when did Jon have a side of the closet?) and pulled out the golden yellow jumper that he knew to be the softest Martin had.

He pulled it over his head, enjoying the feeling of it against his bare skin, and turned to check the mirror and find out if he looked as ridiculous as he felt. He analyzed the grey hair and scar that peppered his appearance. Was he allowed this? To be soft and pliant after everything?

"God your adorable," A voice said behind him and Jon nearly jumped out of his skin. 

He whipped around and shot Martin a glare.

"Sorry sorry, still not always used to being able to sneak up on you," Martin winced.

"It's okay, I just- are those fruit snacks?" Jon's face fell.

"Oh don't you give me that I saw the box you had of them in your cabinet and you were using an empty pack as a bookmark so it's definitely one of your foods!"

"You bought fruit snacks for me? Martin, I- I’m not a child I dont-"

"Do you like them?" Martin asked eyebrows raised expectantly, challenging Jon to lie to him.

"......," Jon huffed, "Fine yes I do."

"Good then this is our secret, so I brought crackers and fruit snacks and water, is that okay?"

"It’s- it's perfect, thank you," Jon said, hearing his own voice go soft. But he couldn't help it.

He tended to be a bit… picky about food. So many things had the wrong taste or the wrong texture or were too messy but Martin knew what was okay. He knew what Jon ate even if those things were a bit… bland or nutritionless, and he didn’t judge Jon for it. 

"Now what do you need?" Martin asked, setting the plate and cup on the nightstand. 

"Just uh- your sure this is okay?" Jon took a tentative step toward Martin.

Martin opened his arms, "More than. Now, can I hold you?"

“I…”

“Please?”

Jon flushed and rushed forward before he could think too hard about it, burying his face in Martin's chest before finding himself being hoisted up fully into Martin's arms with a startled yelp.

"Sorry, you okay?"

Jon nodded.

"Good," Martin said settling onto the bed with Jon still in his arms.

"Martin," Jon sighed.

"Hmm?"

Jon shrugged," Just you."

"Your one to talk, I have a lap full of the most adorable cat and he's wearing my jumper," Martin's smiled and his eyes roamed over Jon in a way that demanded nothing.

Jon let out a whine of protest.

"It's true!" Martin told him, "Your such a cute kitty!"

Jon pressed his face into Martin's neck, tapping his fingertips and thumb again, very quickly now. It was a lot. Too much, almost and he just wanted to vibrate out of his skin stimming with the overwhelming goodness of it but if he moved too much it might make Martin stop holding him. So it all came out in his hands.

"Is that good tapping or bad tapping?" Martin asked, eyeing his furiously moving fingers with suspicion.

"Good, it's... yep," Jon did a thumbs up as his words failed him.

"Okay," Martin chuckled softly and pressed a kiss to Jon's forehead. Then, shifting Jon so he was fully propped up leaning against Martin, he lifted the arm that had been supporting Jon's back to run fingers gently through Jon's hair.

"Mmm," Jon said feeling himself melt further into Martin 

"Is that so?"

Jon nodded and let out a weak, "Mrrah?" Noise.

"God jon you are too cute," Martin sighed happily.

Jon lifted his face to press his nose gently against Martin’s jaw, and murmured, “Love you.”

Martin pulled back enough to look at Jon, then he smiled softly, “I know, kitty, I love you too.”


	2. Boundaries and beholding kink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Discussion of boundries and an unexpected beholding kink, come get y'all's juice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh this one is still soft but its got a bit more angst so warnings in the end notes

"Martin do you want to have sex?"

"So this is just how we're gonna have all our big conversations now huh?" Martin laughed and put down the pen he'd been scribbling away with to look down at Jon who was laying in his lap.

"Sorry I ah- I was listening to Nightvale but Cecil got a little too intense and my brain promptly shifted hard into another focus."

"Too intense?" Martin questioned.

"Ah Carlos was dying under lane five and Cecil… he was just stuck there in his studio."

Jon still had nightmares about that day in the desolation domain when Martin couldn't get him out of a statement even when he was in danger.

"Carlos lives, love. It turns out okay," Martin promised running a hand through Jon's hair.

Jon nodded slowly, "I might listen to it another time."

"Okay."

The was a few moments of silence

"Why are you ignoring my question?" Jon asked curiously.

Martin sighed, "Because... you've never mentioned any interest in sex even as a topic before and I don't know what to say really?"

"I mean… you could say the answer to my question."

Martin huffed out a laugh, "Fine, that's fair. Do I want to have sex as in do I have a libido? Yes. Do I want to have sex as in with you? I mean….Not currently?"

Jon flinched, stung, he wasn't able to conceal the little bit of hurt in his tone as he said, "Why?"

Martin shrugged, "Because we've never even touched on that before and honestly I'd need a conversation or four before that's something I'd be, Ya know, down for."

"Oh…" Jon supposed that was fair, "Would you want to with me? If we did all the talking?"

Martin's mouth set in a softly suspicious frown, "Would you want to?" 

Jon huffed, "Avoiding my question again, I see."

"No, I just- I need to know your answer before I can give mine."

"If you want to then sure," Jon said.

"That's- that's not really very convincing," Martin laughed awkwardly.

Jon let out a frustrated growl, rolled off Martin's lap, hauled himself off the floor to a standing position, and stalked to the other side of the room, "I don't see why you have to make this so complicated."

"Jon if 'do you want to have sex?' is a complicated question then we need to sort that out," Martin said gently, standing up too.

"It's not complicated, yes, I do want to have sex," Jon spat out the lie easily. His fingernails pressed harshly into the flesh of his palm. It wasn't that he didn't want sex but… well no one wanted to go into all the specifics of what he was and wasn't okay with.

Martin stopped dead, his eyebrows climbing upward, "I... don't believe you… I…"

"And why not?" Jon demanded, "I gave you my answer, am I not allowed to want sex?"

Martin looked stricken, "No you are I just… I'd prefer it if you meant it. I- Jon are you _lying_?"

Jon crossed his arms insistently, "I want to."

"Fine, why do you want to have sex?"

Shit. That was complicated too. This wasn't the time to go into any details though and Jon didn't know if he was going to let that time ever come.

"Same reasons as you do," Jon said, locking eyes with Martin to make it seem more real.

"Really? And what reason is that?"

"It feels good," Jon said, gesturing with his hand to the obvious conclusion.

"Yea it does, but that's not the only reason I would want to have sex with you, ya know," Martin said with a too-affectionate look, "My hand and a good vibrator feel good. I'd want to have sex with you if, and only if, you were not just okay with it but excited about it. And it wouldn't be just to get off and feel good. It would also be for the same reason I like playing with your hair or watching you stim to a really good song. It would be because I like being involved in things that make you happy."

Jon gritted his teeth, feeling his eyes sting, he spoke softly and measured so his voice wouldn't break, "I just want to be involved in things that make you happy too. You deserve that much. And you always make me happy..."

"Jon, is... this related to the cat thing the other night?"

Jon set his jaw, he knew he was shaking but he needed to not cry, dear God, this was for Martin it wasn't his turn to have yet another breakdown. 

Martin sighed, "Jon, I know this is going to be one of those things that you're going to try and brush off but try to really listen to me. I enjoyed that. It was fun for me. Most of all, it felt good because you trusted me enough to do that. Don't try to pay me back. And please don't try to have sex with me to pay off some perceived debt or whatever your plan was there."

Martins tone seemed softly exasperated but...

"Are you angry?" Jon had to check.

"No. Just a bit… concerned? That's a pretty important thing to be dishonest about, Jon. I mean you are truly terrible at lying so there wasn't much risk of my believing you but still that's not okay. You shouldn't lie about your boundaries."

Jon nodded feeling guilt tear into him, "I'm sorry I was just- I don't know, I'm not good at this."

"It's okay love, you don't have to be," Martin collapsed back onto the couch.

He looked tired, Jon knew it had been a long day, it always was a long day when Martin had to go shopping and deal with the looks that were split evenly between terror or hero-worship. It's something that he and Jon got any time they were in public.

Jon wished he hadn't sprung this on Martin tonight.

"I ah- can I hug you?"

Martin nodded and opened his arms, "please?" 

Jon crossed the room and settled himself carefully by Martin's side, wrapping his arms around him.

They sat in silence for several more minutes and it felt like everything would be okay if they just never moved from this position again. 

But he had tried that in the cabin already and he knew better. 

All walls become hostile if you ignore the problems inside them for long enough.

Jon sometimes wondered if one day Martin would come to his senses and leave him. Realize how much work Jon was going to be and go. 

Jon didn't know what he would do with himself when that happened.

Jon steadied his breathing as he prepared his next words, forcing them to be honest despite feeling like that would only send Martin running faster, "Is there- I know you said not to try to repay you but is there anything I can do for you? Please I just- I want you to feel safe too."

"You could stay here tonight," Martin said with a wane smile.

"I mean… really Martin are we going to pretend I wasn't already going to?"

Martin laughed softly, "I mean, fair. It's just, I feel like tonight's going to be one of the worse ones and I know it's draining sitting through them with me but… would you mind? They're shorter when you're around."

One of the worse nights. They hadn't had a bad one in a while but Jon suspected it would never be something they were past. Even with the apocalypse over it wasn't as if Jon could truly end fear. So the powers… they still existed in a weakened form. Sleeping mostly, as far as Jon could tell, until they had enough power again. 

It would be many centuries before that happened again but the powers would not release their hooks that easily. Those of them who had been avatars before would all get occasional bursts of the power through them. Daisy, now that she'd been brought back, tended to channel hers through games of laser tag.

But Martin had the worst of it in Jon's opinion

It always happened at night, his flat would fill with fog and the lonely would cradle him there for as long as it could manage. If Martin didn't tell Jon or one of their friends beforehand then the isolation would roll through him, making him forget there was anyone to call.

"Of course, I'll stay."

***

They were laid in bed together shirtless and pressed chest to chest. Fog spooled out around them and they simply clung to one another. Touch helped some according to Martin, the skin on skin contact kept him grounded.

"What does it feel like?" Jon asked quietly.

Martin startled slightly as if he'd forgotten jon was there, the blink slowly at him as he responded, "Like... like no matter how close I am I can't feel you."

"Physically?"

Martin just looked at him for a long moment and that was alright answers to questions always came more slowly to him like this.

"No," he said finally.

"Oh."

"I just... I always want to be pressed closer to you, want to…. explain every facet of my thought process, want to be known, touched, seen, but no matter what I do there's a thick fog between us. It doesn't feel like I'm really here no matter how present you are. I'm not able to feel you there through the mist."

Jon ached at the pain in Martin's voice. He wanted to end it. Pull him away from this.

Then he Knew.

"J-jon your other eyes the floaty ethereal green ones just flickered in and out for a second there," Martin was shrinking back from Jon, his eyes already clouding with the fog from their distance.

"Ah- sorry um- the eye it just keeps me anchored when things get all lonely like this and it uh- gave me an idea?" Jon said tentatively, because while this was unlikely to be particularly dangerous it wasn't going to be easy to sell Martin on.

Martin frowned slowly, blue lines of faintly glowing lonely had begun to curl across his skin, "What?"

"A method of feeling closer, for a bit more intimacy?" Jon said, reach out and touching Martin's forearm. Where he made contact the lines rippled like water but did not disappear.

"We already tried cuddling…."

"No, uh-" Jon said quickly, "I was going to suggest that I Look At you."

Martin paused, "why did the word 'look' sound like it had a capital L?"

"Well, it ah- it did?" 

"Look as in how you Looked at avatars during the apocalypse? Jon, are you threatening to kill me?"

"No! I- I don't even have the ability to Look that hard anymore. I was just going to do a very low-level version of that to help- I don't know- burn away the fog, gaze through it?"

"Oh… is that… safe?"

"Yes and no."

Martin blinked at him blandly.

"It's safe in the way that an x-ray is safe, it's dangerous but as long you aren't being constantly exposed to it it shouldn't hurt you."

"Okay then… do it. I trust you," With those words, the fog swirled as if being shifted by a breeze.

"It'll- it'll be best if I'm- well if I'm on top of you," Jon threw his leg over Martin's hips and settled himself on top of Martin and held Martin's face in his hands, "this okay?"

Martin flushed, "Your eyes are beautiful." And Jon felt his other eyes blink for the first time in a year.

"Ah- well thank you. Alright now, I'm going to have to talk about you like you like… like you don't have agency. Is that alright?"

Martin seemed completely relaxed into the mattress below them, "Uhm yes that's- that's okay."

"Alright," Jon leaned down and pressed his lips to Martin's, eyes closed. Just a moment of connection that Jon needed before he did this. Martin pressed toward him just a little and Jon let out a soft sigh.

Then he sat up and opened his eyes, " _ **Ceaseless Watcher, open your weary eyes and see this Lonely thing which you once favored so. See the way his eyes have become clouded with fog.**_ "

He could see Martin from a dozen different angles, his eyes looking down at the man he loved and drinking in every line of his face, every curve of his body. He could feel the eye straining against his hold on it toward Martin like a dog on a leash. 

_Mine,_ it whispered in his mind and Jon savagely pulled back on his connection to it.

 **No,** he told it.

" ** _Gaze upon him_** ," Jon ordered, " _ **Into him. Know him as I do, he is ours!**_ "

The static crescendoed and faded. When Jon allowed himself to process anything but Martin and the being tethered to him, the fog was gone. Martin was breathing hard beneath him and starting up at him still looking dazed.

"Martin?" Jon said carefully.

"Mmmm?" Martin said softly.

"You still seem… fuzzy. Has the lonely still got you?" He brushed a thumb over margins cheek and as he did the fading blue lines smoothed away entirely.

"Uh no it's- it's gone that just- felt really good," Martin smiled dreamily up at him.

"I- do you _like_ that?" Jon asked baffled.

"Oh hush, it's just you've got your archivist voice on and you were seeing me and… " Martin shrugged trailing off.

Jon's eyes flew wide as the watcher offered one last bit of information, "Oh and you really liked the 'ours' bit."

"Jon!"

"I'm sorry but in our defense, you were thinking very loudly."

"Look I know it's weirds sorry I just-"

"No uh-" Jon could help the smug smile that spread over his face, "I thought I was going to have to apologize but if you _liked_ belonging to us..." 

He watched as Martin's face turned even more red. He was very pretty like this. 

Martin groaned in embarrassment throwing his arm over his eyes, " I… look can we talk about this in the morning? I'm brain fried after everything tonight and I just need to go to sleep."

"Of course," Jon leaned forward to pressed one last kiss to Martin's forehead before rolling off of him and curling into his side, "I love you."

"I love you too Jon. Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warnings:  
> -Lonely themes  
> -more explicit discussion of the aftermath of the apocalypse  
> -necromancy ig because I decided I like daisy too much for her to stay dead and I will likely do the same to others  
> -jon trying to ignore his own boundaries but he's stopped before anything happens  
> -consensual use of eye powers
> 
> We should get more kitty time next chapter if things go to plan


	3. Boundaries part 2 and kitty!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning:  
> talk of sex slightly more specifically but nothing explicit  
> navigating kink, sex, insecurity, and asexuality

"So… I apparently have a kink," Martin said poking at his breakfast the next morning, he shot a nervous glance at Jon before looking back down at his plate.

"Oh?" Jon said waiting to hear where this was going.

"So it- look I'd enjoy it whether or not it was a sexual thing so there's no pressure there,” Martin quickly assured him, “but I enjoyed last night."

"What part of it?"

"It was-” Martin nervously tilted his head back and forth with a tense laugh, “okay a lot of it and... some of it felt more sexual than other parts and I can leave out those parts if you want."

"I'd like to hear all of it if your comfortable telling me," Jon was trying not to vibrate with excitement because this is what he'd wanted! He'd wanted a way to let Martin feel good and give him a chance to let go like Jon got to. 

Jon was sure they had got that last night and he wanted to hear what it felt like from Martin’s end.

"Are you sure?" Martin double-checked and Jon nodded firmly.

"It was- well you were in my head like- like you and the beholding all twisted together and you were being so careful with me, making it be careful with me. And you could have hurt me but you didn't. You could have unraveled me,” Martin was flushed as he spoke, “at least partially. But instead, you just pressed against me and you, you both, really _saw_ me."

Jon nodded, "May I ask about the 'ours' part?"

Martin rubbed the back of his neck with another awkward laugh, "That's where my feelings on it all get a bit more sexual."

He paused as if giving chance to run off but Jon found he really didn't care to.

"The idea of belonging to you, first of all, is… comforting but also kinda hot?"

 _Hot????_ That was… huh... that was not something Jon had ever been called before. He didn’t mind it, in fact, it was… _huh_. You know, he didn’t really know what to think of it. He started bouncing his leg beneath the table as he thought.

Martin continued speaking, "And my relationship with the beholding has always been kinda weird because… I don't know I was afraid of it for so long but the powers are a pretty good look on you jon, always have been but especially when we aren't, you know, walking through hell?"

Jon nodded and let out a breath of a chuckle.

"And it was a little bit nice because I wasn't being given a choice in the matter?” Martin’s tone was cautious, ready to retreat at any second, he searched Jon’s face for something and what he saw must have made him more anxious because he quickly continued, “which I know, I know, weird but it was- it was nice not having to think. Just feeling you and knowing that you wouldn't let me get hurt."

Jon felt warmth in his chest at the way that Martin trusted him.

"It isn't weird," Jon told him softly.

"Do you have any thoughts?" Martin asked nervously 

"Yes but… they're complicated."

"Okay, I’m listening."

"I… look there isn't really a way to say this without coming off like a prick but I... also liked having power over you?" Jon looked up at Martin nervously and Martin was staring at him with wide eyes.

"No, sorry, that’s bad to say but please I didn't mean it like- you know I wouldn’t really do anything with it just- I like the idea of you _giving_ me that power, trusting me with it."

Martin reached across the table and caught his hand, "Hey,” His voice was soft, “I liked that too."

"Ah!" Jon's face felt very warm, "great cool yep."

"You're adorable," Martin said with a little smirk on his face.

"I am not and unless you want to end up with me getting all soft and kitty brain you are going to have to stop calling me adorable. "

"Hmm, I wouldn't mind later if you're up for it,” Martin rubbed a small circle over the back of his hand.

"Oh…" Jon was experiencing a very big emotion right now that was something close to '!!!!!<3!!' 

“First though, did you have more thoughts about last night?"

Right. He was trying to express something right now, he had to focus.

"I- yes last night. The other thing is… I have a more truthful answer as to my feelings about sex. While my 'yes' is not a full yes without reservations I… I would like to say yes to some things if that's okay?"

"What things?"

"I'm not sure where I stand fully on you touching me, but I uh- I actually rather like when I make you feel that way?"

"Mmmm?" Martin hummed, eyes wide, his voice had jumped an octave or two higher.

"Are you alright?" Jon asked nervously. 

"I am just fine, more than, but please be patient with me, my boyfriend just said he likes when he makes me feel…”

“Aroused?” Jon supplied.

“Yeah, and I'm trying to hold it together."

Jon felt tentatively excited but… well he shouldn’t get ahead of himself.

"There's just... I'm sorry but I don't know how much I feel comfortable following through on that and helping you deal with the er- affects? And if you prefer I just don't then that's completely fair. It's not fair to you for me to start something I won't necessarily want to finish."

"Hey now hey, let it be known I am not above running off to some separate location to get off real quick!” Martin said quickly, “I uh- certainly wouldn't want to deprive you of your fun so if you wanna just do whatever you're comfortable with and then stop That is a-okay," Martin was clearly flustered but it... seemed like he was being honest, he really didn't mind that.

"Uh, now the separate location but may not be necessary?" Jon said, "I uh would rather like watching, and/or kissing you while you, you know, _handle matters_. If that's alright of course."

"That is great, I like that idea," Martin bit his lip, concealing a smile.

"And uh- mind you this is likely a not as frequent a thing, but I... might like to help occasionally? Like touching you or letting you move against me?" Jon's leg was bouncing hard enough that the cup of orange juice on the table had little ripples traveling through it.

"You sure? That doesn't have to be on the table at all," Martin said also noticing Jon's movements.

"No sorry I just, hmm," Jon wasn't sexually attracted to anyone but eh? He had a decent libido and the one issue with all of these ideas was that even talking about them was working him up a little bit and he honestly didn't know what to do with that.

The idea of Martin directly touching him that way was a bit… terrifying. Arousing but steeped in fear of rejection. Martin was attracted to Jon now but Jon might not be all that interesting when it came down to it. Even if Jon decided he’d be okay with Martin touching him who said Martin would want to?

"What is it?" Martin asked gently squeezing his hand.

"My brain is being complicated, what else is new?" Jon hummed, dissatisfied. Well on the bright side the anxiety killed any desire to get off that he might have had.

"We can talk about this more some other time if you like?"

"Are you okay with that?" Jon asked looking down at their joined hands.

"Yeah, love, that's fine," Martin picked up Jon's hand and lifted it to his mouth pressing a gentle kiss to his knuckles. 

‘ _Love,_ ’ Martin’s voice echoed in his mind. He said it so easily as if being patient with Jon was no trouble at all.

Great now the '!!!' feeling was back.

Jon squeezed his eyes shut tight and flapped his free hand wildly. Martin was too much, Jon loved him too much and he never knew what to do with all of it. He didn't think it was possible to express this feeling to Martin even if he tried.

His main idea so far was to kiss every part of Martin's face and if that didn't work move on to his hands and shoulders and back. Peppering every inch of him with affection

But that wasn't a thing you could just _do_. 

So he was stuck with flapping. He eventually opened his eyes again and Martin was just looking at him with this smile that absolutely wasn't fair.

"I love you," Jon said insufficiently.

"I love you too," Martin said back.

"And," Martin continued, "I got something for you."

"What?" 

Martin guided him to his feet and started to drag him gently down the hall, "Come on it's hidden, I ordered it online."

"You can't just get things without telling me!" Jon complained, "I don't have anything for you!”

"Well then consider it something for both of us."

Martin released his hand when they arrived in the bedroom and Martin reached into the nightstand drawer and pulled out a small black tube.

"What…?" Jon never finished the question because Martin promptly pointed it at the wall and with a small click of a button being pressed a red dot appeared on the wall.

Jon covered his face, "Oh my god, Martin, is that a laser pointer?"

"Yup!" Martin said proudly, he clicked it again and it turned off, "You said you might be interested and it was only a couple bucks so? I went for it. Do you like it?"

"Yes," Jon groaned miserably, "Martin if you don't stop being a good boyfriend you're going to make me look bad."

"Impossible," Martin walked over and dropped a kiss on Jon's nose, Jon let out a disgruntled noise, "Okay now I know snacks are part of it, but we just ate do you still want them?"

"No, I don't think I'll be hungry for a while, but ah- could we get more blankets? I like sitting on the floor but hardwood is a bit cold…"

"Sure, I'll go get them, you get changed."

Jon nodded. Martin left and shut the door behind him. It was nice when Martin told him what to do…. 

File that away to deal with some other time.

He gleefully went over to Martin's closet to choose which sweater he'd be laying claim to today. He went with a heavy blue one and chose to keep his leggings on this time for sake of warmth, the weather had been really taking a turn this week. He hadn’t put a binder on this morning so at least he didn’t have to wriggle out of that right now.

There was a knock at the door and then it opened, "Hey do you wanna do this in the living room? The rug might be nicer than the bare floor."

“That,” Jon admitted, “Is an excellent point.”

***

Martin was moving the dots to and fro but Jon _would_ get it. Martin would get complacent and he would get it. 

Jon feigned disinterest for a moment while Martin circled it around to his left and then, like lighting, Jon shot out his arm to catch it, but just as quickly, Martin moved it out of range of the blanket nest Jon had made for himself on the floor.

Jon looked up at Martin with an arched eyebrow.

"Oh I'm sorry I forgot, you dainty self could never deign to step out of the nest right?" Martin teased.

"Mrrr," Jon said grumpily, laying down on his side and stretching.

Martin moved the dot in front of him and jon bat at it a few times. Then suddenly it stilled and jon caught it easily.

“I love you, you know.”

Jon looked up at martin who was looking at him with obvious affection.

Jon blinked at him then rose to his hands and knees and stepped out of the comfort of his blankets, walking toward Martin and butted his head agist Martin’s knee.

“What?” martin asked with a soft chuckle, petting Jon’s hair.

“Mrah.”

“Do you need something, kitty?”

Jon butted his head against martin’s knee again.

“Do you need me to go somewhere so you can show me?”

Jon bobbed his head, that would work. So Martin stood and jon stepped primly back into his blankets and looked at Martin pointedly as he sat down.

“Ah cuddle time is it,” Martin sat down in the nest with jon, cross-legged, facing him. 

He placed a hand on either side of Jon’s face and looked at him.

Jon let out an involuntary whimper and Martin just smiled. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Jon’s forehead. Then to each of Jon’s cheeks and one on his nose.

“My darling Jon, pretty kitty, so good, so wonderful.”

Jon’s eyes fell shut. Martin had him, he was safe.

“I love you,” Martin rested his forehead against Jon’s, and for the first time in front of another person, Jon purred.


	4. Smut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut with feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this has no cat play and no plot so if you like, skip this chapter, if not, enjoy
> 
> Content warnings:  
> Internalized transphobia  
> Dysphoria  
> Beholding kink  
> Degrading kink but only in a fantasy  
> Explicit sexual content (like kinda a lot of it)  
> Some dom/sub but not super intense  
> Biting kink
> 
> If I miss anything let me know

Jon was in a mood.

Truth be told, he was not entirely sure exactly what that mood was until the following words left his mouth.

"Martin, do you want to have sex one of the ways we talked about?"

Martin didn't look at him right away. Just quietly paused the show they were watching, set down the remote, and finally looked down to look at Jon who was once again laying in his lap.

"You know every time we sit like this you become very distracting. I'm not really complaining, but it's a definite pattern."

"It's okay if you just want to watch the show right now, " Jon told him, Jon hadn't been paying particular attention to it because it was just one of those nights where Jon’s libido decided focus wouldn’t happen until it was satisfied.

Martin laughed, "If you think there is a chance in hell I'm going to be able to focus after you said that, you are sorely mistaken. What are you thinking about doing?"

"Uh I have two ideas,” Jon said and quickly continued, “feel free to ignore either, they're just suggestions, I just thought-"

"Relax, I'm listening."

"Okay, right, ah- I have thought about it and while I am unsure about being touched still I would uhm- I wouldn't mind also getting off."

Martin’s cheeks colored slightly but he was grinning, "Oh?"

Jon sat up, and scooted so his lower back was pressed against the leg he'd just been laying on, "So, I think either I would be interested in watching you- well….” He trailed off.

"You can say jerk off."

"I absolutely can't. But I might be interested in watching you while I do the same or moving against each other if pants stay on." 

Jon knew that was an arbitrary boundary and honestly, he didn't know why it mattered when Martin had seen him naked countless times, but it did. In this context, he for some reason tended to get dysphoric easier than just showering or changing clothes, and he couldn’t stand the idea of taking off his pants only for Martin to look down and think ‘girl bits’.

Martin nodded, "I think these ideas both are great, can I kiss you during either of these?"

"Yes, that’s-” Jon flushed, “yeah if you like." 

"Great," Martin leaned in and kissed him so softly that it was unfair. Jon let out a little sigh as he chased Martin’s lips for another one which was just as soft but slightly longer.

"We are moving," Jon told him suddenly standing up, "I love Daisy but since you gave her that key she keeps barging in without knocking and I don't need to worry about her coming in unexpectedly right now." 

Jon found himself once again surprised at how easily the word ‘love’ left his mouth lately. Just the other day he had parted from lunch with Tim and Melanie with a "love you, see you later". 

It seemed he'd hardly stopped saying it since the world un-ended. 

"Fair enough," Martin said letting out a laugh.

He let Jon drag him off the couch and down the hall to their room. 

_Martin's room_ , Jon corrected himself. He'd just been staying the night frequently. Jon pulled him into the room and pressed the door shut behind them (and then locking it just in case). 

He turned back to Martin, and frowned, "You are going to have to sit down, I can't kiss you when you're tall."

Martin laughed again and Jon felt it rattle through him. The simple fact that he could make Martin happy still got to him sometimes. Jon still didn't get that. Martin was so…. _good_. And Jon somehow could make him smile sometimes. 

"Okay okay, bossy I'll sit down," Martin settle on the edge of the bed looking up at him now.

Jon saw an opportunity, and he took it before he could overthink, he sat down in Martin's lap, facing him and straddling his hips, "If memory serves me, you liked it when I was in charge."

Martin's mouth was slightly agape and he was looking at Jon with wide eyes, when he spoke he didn't respond to what Jon had said, simply letting out a weak, "hey do you know how pretty you are?"

Jon glared at him, "That’s my line."

"Sorry," Martin’s smile was entirely too affectionate so Jon leaned forward and kissed him, pressing him back onto the bed, Martin went back, letting Jon direct him easily.

Jon slid his hands slowly down from Martin's chest, to his waist.

"Mmm," Martin said quite articulately into the kiss.

Jon took a risk and nipped just slightly at Martin's lips and Martin pressed forward into the kiss hungrily.

Jon broke away with a laugh, "So that's a yes on biting then?"

Martin’s head collapsed backward onto the bed. He sighed, eyes falling shut and he ran a hand through his hair.

"Jon I need you to understand, I have had over the years an embarrassing number of fantasies in which you are a bit rough with me. And this? You leading me to bed, pushing me down, and biting me was kinda near the top of my list."

Jon nodded slowly the dipped his head down to Martin's neck, stopping just short as he felt Martin tense, "Is this alright?"

"Please," Martin breathed.

Jon pressed a slow opened mouthed kiss there. Martin's hands gripped the fabric of Jon's shirt and Jon decided that based on the bulge he was beginning to feel in Martin’s trousers that the grabbing was a good sign.

Then he bit. Still just a small nip but it made Martin let out the softest little "a-Ah" sound. Jon felt him grind his hips up against Jon and Jon tensed.

"Shit, sorry," Martin apologized quickly, “Wait fuck jon hang- hang on didn’t we say that we would talk about this particular activity more before we’ ya know did it?”

“I…”

“We did,” Martin answered for himself, “okay um, climb off please?” 

Jon moved off of Martin, not meeting his eyes.

“Jon-love, “ Martin said softly, “what is it?”

“I’m… not great at talking, better at touching,”

“Well can I ask questions and you just answer?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, do you want to get off?”

“Yes,” Jon’s face felt hot.

“Cool that’s great, uhm- do you feel comfortable grinding against me?”

Jon bit his lip, “Only if it’s something you want and not just something you’ll tolerate?” 

“Not to worry i would completely enjoy that, now how about me grinding against you, you don’t have to say yes just to get-”

“No martin I really want that,” Jon captured his hand and press a kiss to his knuckle so he didn’t have to meet martin’s eyes, it would be too much right now, “I _really_ enjoy that idea.”

“Why look at that, is this you getting flustered?”

“Oh my god shut up,” Jon groaned pressing his face to the back of Martin’s hand.

“Okay, where am I allowed to touch on you?”

“I mean- I’ll stop you if it gets uncomfortable,” Jon said hoping that way he wouldn’t have to list the laundry list of ways he wasn’t okay with being touched and he could just see what Martin liked and learn to tolerate those.

“Jon, you tried to chop off your finger before you even considered a sentimental item to anchor you out of the buried, you have never stopped because of discomfort before, please forgive me if I don’t think you will now.”

“I mean… yeah that’s fair,” Jon conceded with a huff of uncomfortable laughter.

“Then…?”

“Uhm it’s sort of more a matter of what you would be touching me with? My arms, legs, and back is good for hands or if you like uh- mouth?” Jon shot a quick glance at Martin to watch his reaction. Martin smiled a little and gently took Jon’s hand, and turned his head, and pressed a slow open-mouthed kiss to Jon’s wrist.

“Yeah?” He said, smiling against Jon’s skin and pulling away.

“Ah- right,” Jon managed through the gay panic.

Martin beamed, he was sitting very close, “How bout your neck?”

“Same rules as usual as fair as hands,” Jon said, he and Martin had learned that back in the safe house that Jon panicked if anything but the back of his neck was touched, “But mouth, might be rather lovely?”

“Yeah?” Martin asked, tilting his head and leaning closer, his breath ghosting over Jon’s neck.

Jon nodded breathlessly. Then Martin’s lips touched him tentatively, then pressing forward. Jon thought he heard himself make a noise, he couldn’t find it in himself to care. Martin’s mouth felt good and he just wanted more of it.

Eventually, Martin pulled back with a grin.

“Apparently,” Jon said trying to regain focus, “Discussing boundaries with you can be fun.”

Martin laughed and shook his head, “Now, what are you’re thoughts on your uh… other bits?”

“I… my chest…” Jon trailed off, “I’m not sure?”

“Thank you for being honest with me love, why don’t we just leave it alone tonight?”

“That- that would be good, thank you.”

“Nothing to thank me for.”

Jon shifted because he knew there was only really one more area to discuss, “I- this part’s hard because my feelings about it are just... stupid…”

“Hmm, stupid is probably not accurate, but do you wanna explain?”

“We’ve covered that I would like to come tonight and I’m comfortable grinding against you. No penetration probably. Other things don’t sound bad but just… scary? Like your fingers or- um…”

“My mouth is definitely on the table if thats where the hesitation is,” Martin offered.

That had been where the hesitation had been and Jon sighed in relief.

“O-okay, I just…. Hhhh this is dumb but could we pretend I have something down there?”Jon buried his face in his hands.

“Like… like a cock? Jon that’s not dumb, that’s not even abnormal. As far as I’m concerned you _do_ have a cock.”

“I know its normal for most trans men, but it’s not exactly like I pass, I more or less look like a girl, no matter how kind you all are in indulging me and I know it is a ridiculous idea because I haven’t even bothered to get on testosterone.”

He had wanted to but then he got a job in the archives and he sort of hadn’t had time.

“And so I don’t expect you to actually indulge that, it’d be-”

Martin seemed finally shocked out of his silence, “Jon Sims. We aren’t indulging you. Testosterone or no, I see you as a man. Proof being, that I am a flaming homosexual and no girl has ever done it for me. I feel fine about talking about your cock as what it is especially if it makes you comfortable.”

Jons brain stuttered over several parts of that until finally a soft little, “Okay,” fell from his mouth.

He clear his throat and continued, “In- in that case hands or mouth might be okay sometimes? Er- not tonight though. I might like to touch you if that’s okay?”

Martin nodded vigorously, “Yep, that’s more than welcome.”

“This is not necessarily something I want to do every time,” Jon warned him.

“That’s okay,” Martin said, and Jon could tell he meant it.

Jon cleared his throat, “Now, unless there’s anything else, kindly lay back down how I wanted you?”

Martin laughed, and gave him a little salute as he shifted, “Yes, sir.”

Jon’s breath caught.

Martin stopped and raised an eyebrow, him being so aware of Jon’s reactions was going to kill Jon someday. 

"Is that so?" Martin’s tone was teasing.

"I didn't say anything," Jon crossed his arms.

"I guess not, but is there anything you want me to say again?" He was laying on his back, leaning back in his elbows.

Jon huffed and suddenly moved to sit across his lap again, rolling his hips downward, and getting that sharp shot of friction he'd be wanting. Martin made a small surprised noise.

"Yes," Jon said when he finally felt like he was a little more in control, "If you'd like to, I'd like to be called ‘sir’."

Martin smiled, a flush high on his cheeks, "Alright." 

Jon arched an eyebrow.

"Yes, sir," Martin corrected, biting his lip and glancing away. 

Jon instinctively pressed his hips closer to Martin, "Good."

Martin’s face turned red at that.

"Now," Jon said, reaching his fingertips up under the hem of Martin's jumper and the shirt underneath, fingernails trailing lightly over the soft skin of Martin's stomach. Martin's breath stuttered and his eyes fell shut. 

Jon wanted to touch every inch of him, press kisses to his freckles, run hands over the curve of his body as Martin let out the soft unguarded sighs of a man enjoying himself.

"May I remove your shirt?" Jon ask.

Martin nodded quickly, "Yes, sir."

"Thank you."

Jon gripped the hem of the two layers and slid the upward, having to tug just a bit before Martin helped him out by leaning up a little so Jon wasn't contending with the bed holding it in place. He pulled it up over Martin’s head and arms and tossed it to the floor behind him. 

And there was Martin, skin bared and spread out before him.

Jon simply for a moment allowed himself to collapse forward into the warm softness of Martin's chest, face pressed against the skin where he mouthed lightly at it. Martin hummed out a pleased note of satisfaction. Jon allowed just the barest scrape of teeth, and Martin pressed up into it. His eyes were shut, and his face screwed up as if in concentration. His hands were gripping the sheets tightly. Jon moved upward and pressed a soft kiss between his eyebrows.

Martin's face relaxed as his eyes opened in surprise. Jon realized Martin had probably been resisting rocking up into him. That wouldn't do at all.

"You're doing wonderfully, so pretty, feel good," Jon told him, pressing down against Martin's erection. The pressure felt wonderful even through the layers.

"Jon… sir…" Martin sighed, rocking his hip against Jon’s a few times.

"Do you know what I think I'd like?" Jon asked, leaning close to Martin's ear, biting just gently.

"Hmm?" Martin managed even though he seemed a bit distracted by the sensations.

"I think I'd like both of our trousers off so I can feel you properly. Can you do that for me if I stand up?"

"Yes, absolutely," Martin still leaned toward him hopefully, in a silent request for Jon's mouth on him again, and Jon felt a little thrill go through him. He simply moved back and stood. Martin let out a displeased little sound. He sat up and reached for Jon first. 

"Ah-ah,” Jon stopped him, “you first and then you can kneel down and help me if you like," Jon didn't want to push his luck but god would he enjoy having Martin on his knees for any reason.

Martin nodded rapidly, "Yep, good idea, I like that idea." 

He fumbled out of his trousers, taking his socks with them, and doing a little bit of hopping to get his left foot out before kicking the article of clothing away toward where his jumper and shirt lay discarded. Then he went quickly to his knees, using the bed to lean against on the way down. 

They were not after all quite as young anymore. The thought warmed Jon a little as it reminded him that he had won back the right to grow old, which had been stripped from him for a time.

Martin reached up, hands resting on his belt, "May I, sir?"

Jon nodded, not sure that any words he could try to say would actually form. Not like this, not with Martin sitting back on his feet and looking up at him, cock straining against the fabric of his pants. His thighs looked so soft and jon, not for the first time since they got together, thought about simply burying his face in Martin's bare lap and laying there for a long time.

But right now, Martin was sliding loose his belt and dropping it to the floor, looking at Jon with want in his eyes.

He undid the button and slid the zipper down and nothing had ever happened so slowly in Jon's life because he was pretty sure he was frozen now. Martin slid his pants down and even though Jon had worn less in front of him before this felt achingly different. Like at any moment he would instantly combust. When Martin reached his ankles Jon stepped out of the jeans and allowed them to be pushed aside. 

His tenuous hold on his self-control only frayed further when the tip of Martin's tongue flicked out briefly to wet his lips and Jon found himself burying a hand in Martin's curls. Martin's eyes fluttered shut and he leaned into Jon's hand, when his eyes opened Jon saw them land first on his crotch then up to his face. 

Jon sighed, wishing he was at all mentally prepared for Martin's mouth on him, but as good as it might feel he knew he'd end up having a mental breakdown as soon as it was over. He needed more time to process before that.

He removed his hand from Martin's hair and gripped his jaw lightly, "I want you to get back on the bed and lie back against the pillows for me, can you do that for me, pretty?"

"Yes sir," Martin said and he turned his head slightly to kiss the pad of Jon's thumb before rising to his feet and climbing up onto the bed, moving to where Jon told him.

"God all I wanna do I touch you," Jon huffed out a helpless little laugh.

Martin laughed, “What's stopping you?"

"I don't know where to begin," Jon said earnestly, softly, as he climbed into the bed.

"Then... kiss me again, and we'll go from there?”

That he could do, so he surged forward and Martin made a surprised little noise against him before falling into it with a pleased sigh.

“I want you,” Jon breathed, breaking away, “I want to make you fall apart.”

Martin was flushed and he just let out a small noise looking up at Jon. Jon was above him, hands pressed into the pillow on either side of his head. Martin’s hands were clutching Jon’s shirt, tugging him downward gently, like a plea. Jon obliged, putting one knee between Martin’s legs and pressing his thigh against him. Martin’s hips stuttered forward as he let out a soft moan.

“Good boy,” Jon purred into his ear as Martin began to all-out hump his leg.

“J-jon,” Martin stuttered out, “Please?”

“What do you need darling?”

“I- can I-?” Martin moved the leg that was between Jon’s up so his thigh was pressed against the soaked fabric between Jon’s legs.

Jon gasped, “mmh- yes.” 

He pressed into the pressure and circled his hips against the pressure, it was exactly what he needed. It’d been a long time since he’d had much of anything except his own fingers which only really worked when he muscled past the dysphoria and just shoved a hand down his pants and worked himself over with harsh impatient fingers.

Martin’s leg felt electric between his.

“Sir,” Martin sighed. 

“May I touch you?” Jon asked, desperate to make Martin feel as good as he did.

“Mmm please,” Martin moved forward to mouth at Jon’s neck, and _god_ he was really testing the limits of Jon’s multitasking ability. 

Jon pulled back and moved to the side so he could more easily slide his hand into Martin’s pants.

Martin’s back arched as Jon’s fingertips brushed him.

“Ah-!” Martin’s eyes fluttered shut and Jon began stroking him gently, rather unsure of how much pressure felt good. But Martin seemed to be enjoying himself so Jon must be doing something right.

Then Jon remembered their conversation over breakfast a week ago and he had an idea.

“ _ **How does it feel?**_ ” Jon Asked.

“Ohhhhh,” Martin moaned, “I- J-Jon?”

“ _ **Yes?**_ ” Jon knew the air around him was radiating with green light, seeing Martin.

“God it feels good I always thought about you touching me while I was- hnn Jooooon,” He whined.

“Go on,” Jon encouraged.

“While I was touching myself," Martin completed the earlier sentence, "but it's different with you really here, your mouth, _god_ , your hands, your fucking voice,” Martin panted.

“Good boy, Martin, doing so good for me,” Jon murmured as he stroked

 _My voice????_ Jon thought baffled.

“Jon, I’m close, I- can I?”

He was asking permission??????

“Of course, love,” Jon said keeping up the motion until Martin let out a cry and Jon felt something warm and wet and… not necessarily pleasant on his hand. 

Not that he would give such a review out loud.

He withdrew his hand and tried his best not to look disgusted Martin’s eyes finally fluttered open and landed on Jon who was cupping his clean hand under his dirty one to avoid making a mess of any dripped, Martin let out a laugh and reached over to the side of the bed and grabbed a box of tissues, “Here.”

“Sorry,” Jon sighed, wiping it off.

“Don’t apologize that was so good,” Martin laughed, rubbing a hand down his face as he sat up and faced Jon, “Is there… anything I can do for you?”

“Would you mind ah- telling me more about what you thought of?”

Martin gasped, and laid a scandalized hand to his bare chest, “Why, Jon, are you asking me to tell you my fantasies?”

Jon shrugged, “I don’t really get off on just how people look, even though you are very pretty but with a few mental scenarios I think I could ah- get there?”

Martin rubbed the back of his neck, “I mean? What do you want to hear?”

“Do you have a favorite?”

Martin glanced away, coloring further, “I- yeah I do.”

“May I hear it?”

“Uh- yeah, uh- so the first thing I should probably say is that I have a bit of a degrading kink in uh either direction but especially being degraded. So when you used to insult me… it wasn’t a _huge_ deal, I’m pretty used to people being mean but… you were really cute and it just sort of… sent like a zing through me when you growled out an insult a particular way?”

“I’m sorry I’m such an asshole when I’m repressing a crush,” Jon winced, this wasn’t really going the way he hoped.

“No, no,” Martin said quickly “it's okay I’ve sorted through all those feelings already but, ya know, the fantasy is still… good.”

“Okay?” Jon didn't get it but he didn't need to.

“Look it's just… basically it happens when we’re dating but erm- also in the archives so I guess that doesn’t make sense, but you call me into your office and you, out of habit, immediately start tearing into me for my shoddy work and I freeze up because… you're kinda hot when you're mad? And you think its because I'm upset and your about to apologize when I stand up super fast and say it's fine and I run out and to the bathroom and hope it wasn’t super obvious that I was half hard and so I get there and I get in the shower.”

“In the middle of the workday?” Jon asked.

“Look you wouldn’t be thinking about details like this if you would just get a hand on your cock,” Martin admonished.

“You haven’t gotten to the interesting bit yet!” Jon exclaimed with a laugh.

“I’m building tension! Last I heard, you liked a good story,” Martin stuck out his tongue.

“Fine,” Jon rolled his eyes and stripped off his pants so his hand wouldn’t have to be confined.

Martin froze, eyes widening. Jon flushed at the attention.

“Come on, I do believe we were getting to the part where your clothes were off which likely points to some acceleration in the plot s-soon?” Jon stuttered on the last word as he slid his fingers down against his cock which was wet with his slick. He spread his legs a little wider and adjusted his position to make room for his hand.

“R-right, so I’m showering and I’m just trying to get off as quick as I can when i hear the door swing open and I freeze and shoes click across the tile to the shower door and the curtain gets ripped open and you're standing there.”

Jon’s moving his fingers a little faster now, gritting his teeth to contain the sounds that want to escape him, “What next?”

“You look me up and down, shake your head, click your tongue, and you say, ‘Really Martin-’”

Jon froze, “You are concerningly good at mimicking my voice.”

“I… thanks?” Martin laughed, “But you say ‘Really, Martin? You couldn’t even hold yourself together until we got home? Fine, I suppose we’ll deal with this now but you’ll have to take a punishment later for it.” 

Jon’s eyes had fallen shut at some point during that, picturing the scene.

“So you strip off your clothes and despite making fun of me you’re hard and you step into the shower and crowd me against the wall and I know you're shorter than me but you somehow make me feel small. And you wrap your hand around both of our cocks and tell me I have until you get off to come and if I  
I don't, I just have to get dressed and ride the tube home like this.”

Jon’s close, the image of trapping Martin against the wall while Martin practically begs him is so good, he moves quicker, rolling his hips.

“And it really doesn’t take long at all for me because you just do that to me but you stroke me while i come and until I'm over sensitive and whining.”

“Do I come on you?” Jon finds himself saying, embarrassment flaring in his chest only heightening the sensation.

“Yeah and you- you make me lick your hand clean even though we’re in the shower and it would be quicker to just-”

“Mmmmm,” Jon moaned quietly as he came still working his finger over his cock until it hurts more than it feels good.

“....rinse it off,” Martin finishes quietly, “Did you know you’re really hot when you do that?”

“I- look we should go shower,” Jon told him, not sure how to respond to a compliment relating to him masturbating.

“Yeah,” Martin wrinkled his nose looking down at the spot at the front of his pants, then he looked up and smiled, “I love you though, this was fun.”

Jon smiled softly, “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well apparently I just wrote 4.5k of smut  
> Whoops  
> We will Likely be back to your regularly scheduled kinky fluff soon


	5. Moving in Proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Martin lays in jon's lap and this time he asks a question

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay no kitty play this chapter but I needed just a bit of plot that wasn't cuddling or fucking

"Is it nice laying in someone's lap?" Martin asked, looking down at Jon who was setting down his book to listen to Martin.

"Is this you asking to lay in my lap?"

"Can I? I haven't gotten to do it before because usually, people lay on me."

Jon nodded, "If you like, but I suggest grabbing one of those throw pillows, Georgie always said my lap was uncomfortable because I'm rather boney."

"Sounds good!" Martin said excitedly and well he was rather adorable like this wasn't he?

So, with some shifting, they had flipped their positions, and Jon allowed a hand to lace with Martin's across Martin's stomach and he returned to his book.

He made it as far as three pages before Martin spoke up.

“Huh so this position really does just make you wanna ask out-of-the-blue questions, doesn’t it?” Martin mused aloud.

“Oh?”

“It’s um- it’s nothing.”

“Martin you have admitted to being into not one but two world-ending monsters, whatever it is I’m sure it can’t be that bad,” Jon teased gently.

“Two? The Beholding sure but what’s the second??”

“Myself, of course.”

Martin’s mouth set in a hard line, “You’re not a monster, Jon.”

Jon shrugged.

“You aren’t," He insisted.

“What was your question,” Jon prodded, in a not-so-subtle attempt to change the subject.

Martin sighed slowly, “Do you want to move in with me?”

Jon froze.

“I mean,” Martin continued quickly, “You stay here most nights anyway, and this place is closer to that coffee shop you and Tim like to meet at, and you hardly know how to cook but I could cook for both of us, and this way you don't have to commute to wash your laundry. So?”

Jon after a long moment managed to find the will to speak, "I- why would you want that?"

"What?"

"Look, you don't have to convince me that we should live together, I am perfectly well aware of why I would want to do this but…"

"But?"

"But you don't have a reason to want to."

"I think wanting to live with my boyfriend is probably reason enough."

Jon huffed, "yes but we need to think about where I would go if you break up with me. Doing this would be committing to the idea that we could both be mature enough to let me stay here even when that's happened until I find a new place to go."

"Who said anything about breaking up????"

"You'd want to soon enough," Jon told him, knowing in his bones it was true, "Just dating me, I can go home when you start to get annoyed with me. You don't have to deal with me when you don't want to. I'm horrible to live with, I leave sticky notes everywhere and I have alarms that I keep on silent when I'm with you that go off every hour on the hour to tell me to drink water and I watch Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit often enough to recite every line of all the movies from memory alone. And all those times that I said I was going home to do laundry? I was really laying on my dining room table with headphones on loud enough that it probably had damaged my hearing and I don't do those things here. I can't not have a place to do those things, they're what make me not go mad. And those things are annoying and they grate on people-"

"I love Lord of the Rings," Martin interrupted. It was a challenge.

Jon set his jaw stubbornly.

"I swing wildly between everything being extremely neat and extremely messy and neither is ever at the convenient time," Jon shot back.

Martin shrugged, unbothered, "Me too."

"Well I sometimes lay at the bottom of the shower and sob not because I'm sad or anything but because it feels good."

"I'll get a comfortable bath mat."

"I sometimes talk like a cowboy just because it's fun but then I can't stop for several hours."

"Yeehaw."

Jon sighed, "Martin…"

"These things were what you were panicking over?? Jon these barely qualify as quirks much less breakup material. I thought this was going to be one of your 'oh I'm a horrible monster' things."

Jon shrugged helplessly, "That too but that… that I can control. I can stop myself from the impulse to just compel people so I know they aren't lying to me but… there is a whole myriad of far more mundane reasons that you shouldn't want me, that you could do much better, and as much as I love you, I hate the idea of someone as good as you getting stuck with me. I hate the idea of you realizing that I don't deserve you and kicking me out and the whole thing hurts much less if it happens when I haven't let you into every aspect of my life."

Martin just blinked up at him, the playful air gone from the room.

There was a painfully long silence in which Jon wondered if Martin would foolishly claim he wasn't too good for Jon or if he would finally realize Jon was right. 

Finally, Martin spoke, "Jon, I need you to understand how much us breaking up is not inevitable. If I have anything to say about it I'd- well I'd like to marry you one day, and that doesn't have to be soon or ever really if you don't want to but I need you to understand that I didn't pine for four years and walk through the apocalypse with one man just to date him for about a year and break up with him because he recites Lord of the Rings in a cowboy accent."

"Oh."

"I just… you have got to stop assuming things and acting on them just because you think it's what I’ll want. First, the whole sex thing where you tried to convince me you were down with anything at all because you figured I wanted sex that bad. And this whole thing because surely I couldn’t stand living with you. And don’t think I haven’t noticed you putting money in my wallet because you feel bad that you’ve been basically living here. I didn't ask you for sex, I didn't ask you for money, and I didn't ask you to hide these habits from me.”

Jon wanted to curl in on himself.

“Listen to me,” Martin said reaching up and cradling Jon's cheek, “I love you Jonathan Sims. You are allowed to take up space and I am begging you to just take up some space in my life. No more lying about what you want or what you need-”

“I’m sorr-” Jon began, tears welling in his eyes, but got interrupted himself.

“No, I’m talking right now, let me finish. It's important you understand that it scares me that I don’t really know whether the things I’m doing are bothering you. I know I’m not great at always voicing my own needs, but I’ve learned, I’m learning, and I'm not trying to be a hypocrite. But I need you to work on this with me because it's making it hard to tell how you’re really feeling. Okay?” He dropped his hand from Jon's face.

“It scares you?” Jon said softly.

“Yeah…” Martin glanced away and Jon internally breathed a sigh of relief because locking eyes with Martin like this was a lot, “The idea that I might hurt you and you wouldn’t tell me kills me. Have I done something to make you think that You can’t talk to me?”

"No, I just… I don't want to lose you and… im trying to make sure you want to keep me around…"

Martin looked at him and then picked up his hand and pressed a kiss to his palm paying no heed to the scar that gripped his hand, "I already want to keep you around."

Jon had nothing he could say in protest, "okay."

"So you'll move in properly?"

"I mean yes but fair warning at this point all I have left at home is two outfits, sheets, towels, and my Lord of the Rings Blu-rays."

"What is that much of your stuff here?"

"Ah no I just… well all my things got thrown away during the coma."

"Oh right, sorry."

"It's fine honestly, I have what matters."

"Alright well, we'll go get that stuff tomorrow."

"Okay," Jon was quiet for a long moment then spoke again, "hey Martin?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

"I love you too Jon, and if you like we can marathon the movies once you're moved in properly."

"Oh thank god it has been at least two weeks since in last saw them."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay okay so no cat play this chapter but I am cautiously optimistic about next one!
> 
> just be prepared for it to happen during a lotr marathon because I'm gay and It's either this or  
> straight up write an au where Jon is the ring bearer and Martin is his gardener and I don't think there's a market for that


	6. Lotr & kitty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cat play and an lotr marathon!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao catch me not being able to touch my wips for a week because of mental health and the finishing writing, editing and posting updates on two of my fics within a matter of hours

Jon's things were in a single storage tupperware sitting next to the door, and he and Martin were curled up on the couch together as thirteen dwarves on screen sang lowly of faraway treasure.

"We must away," Jon sang along, softly, "ere break of day, to find our long forgotten gold."

"I like it when you sing, " Martin said quietly and Jon looked at him.

He laid a scadelized hand to his chest, “Martin that’s gay, you can’t say such things during an obviously heterosexual franchise.”

Martin laughed at that, “Oh I’m sorry you’re right, no homo."

"Exactly, we aren't queer we're just cuddling on the couch of our shared home like good friends."

"Most definitely," Martin rolled his eyes then paused for a second looking at the screen, "Huh, do you think the actors actually sang this bit?”

Like a lightbulb flickering on Jon answered, “ **Yes the actors themselves sang the song, lead by Richard Armitage**. Oh for fucks sake.”

He slumped. He hadn't wanted to Know that. He would have been fine doing a non-eldritch google thank you.

Martin winced, “Sorry.”

“No it’s-” Jon sighed, “It’s fine, I think uh- I think a flare up’s starting?”

“Cuz you Knew something?”

“Because I've been just Knowing things all day," He groused, "and the fact that I just realized I can see us out of the character’s eyes on screen,” Jon collapsed into Martin.

Martin his through his teeth, "A bad one then?"

"Well I haven't been able to see out of any eyes that aren't mine since the apocalypse so yeah it's a bit not good."

Even when the magic eyes appeared around him those were at least _his_. It felt less wrong than seeing from an entirely different set of eyes.

“I’m sorry, this was supposed to be a nice day for you,” Martin began running his finger’s softly through Jon’s hair.

“S’not your fault,” Jon muttered into his shoulder miserably, because he Knew Martin was already feeling guilty for having asked about the singing, "And I can hear you thinking about trying to fix it, stop that."

“I know but…. Please kitten is there anything I can do?”

Jon froze and tensed at the name.

“Oh god sorry that- shit that just slipped out I didn’t mean to uhm-”

“No uhm ,” Jon struggled to make his brain function after the shock of his boyfriend calling him that unexpectedly, “I… that might not be a bad idea?” He could already feel the beholding doing the eldritch fear god equivalent of grumbling in displeasure.

Martin seemed surprised, “I- Its not?”

“No uhm, the eye is Very thinking centered, more of a mind fear than a body fear?”

“Oh… so not having to think too hard would… help?”

Jon nodded, “You don’t have t-”

“No hey, I want to. I’d like to help and besides, I always like seeing you relaxed. Only if you want to though.”

Jon exhaled slowly, then looked at Martin, “Please?”

Martin seemed relieved at having a clear way of helping, “Okay, lovely, do you need anything?”

Jon moved until he had wriggled his way between Martin’s arms and into his lap, Martin laughing all the while.

“Well you are a spoiled little kitty aren’t you? Spoiled little man,” Martin laughed.

Jon frowned, “Mean.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, love,” Martin said, still chuckling, brushing his hair behind his ear.

Jon felt a buzzing in the back of his head, the Beholding cataloging every sensation, the feeling of Martin holding him, the sound of the oh-so-familiar voices from the movie. 

Martin and Jon sat for a long while, Jon nuzzling into his neck tiredly, before deciding his person was a good bed. 

He settled into a lovely nap, the smell of tea that Martin had likely spilled on himself earlier enveloped him and Martin was warm………

When Jon woke up it was to Martin gently rousing him, “Hey Kitty, I have to get up to put the next movie on.”

Jon shook his head.

“But we're were watching these together,” Martin said gently.

Jon didn’t want it though. If his owner got up then it would be cold and Jon's nap would be ruined, "mrow." 

"Come on now, love you've been so polite so far."

He pouted, but crawled out of his spot, curling up on the other side of the couch pointedly turning his back to Martin.

"There, see that wasn't so hard was i-" Martin broke off as he turned and saw Jon's new position.

"Oh are you mad at me now?"

Jon pressed his face into the arm of the couch to hide his face from Martin.

"Not talking to me either huh?"

Jon didn't move.

"Hmmm what if I go get a treat?"

Jon lifted his face and eyed him skeptically before rising to sit up and nodding, "Mrow."

Martin smiled, "Okay, I'll be right back."

Martin walked out and Jon immediately got bored. 

So he hopped off the couch and strolled over to the pile of blankets that Martin had left folded neatly into a pile after the last time Jon had gotten to play. He eyed them suspiciously. They smelled clean and Martin only pulled them out of the closet a little but before Jon used them so they we probably clean enough to touch with his mouth

The one he wanted was at the bottom of the stack so he stooped and gripped it in his teeth, pulling it out and sending the rest of the stack into a messy pile. Then Jon dragged it painstakingly over to the couch where he took the center seat so Martin knew he wasn't in trouble anymore. 

Martin walked in and stopped as he saw the tipped over pile of blankets and Jon sitting proudly with the knit one on the couch. Martin sighed and chuckled indulgently. 

"You sure are a cat aren't you?"

Jon frowned, "s' cold."

"Thank you for getting what you needed," Martin said gently, then came over with the plate of food. There were little cubes of melon and more fruit gummies.

"Do you want me to just set it down right here so you can eat when you want?"

Jon bobbed his head. Martin set down the plate and then turned toward the DVD player to set up the next movie.

"There we go," Martin said coming back to his spot, "Now why don't we settle down again, hmm?"

Jon stretched across his lap, pulling his blanket with him.

For now the watcher had ebbed away, it would likely be back sometimes soon and Jon couldn't ignore it forever. But that was a concern for a person, not a cat.


	7. Weirdly kinky massage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically smut without sex, I swear that makes sense when your reading it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nudity, dysphoria discussions, boundary discussion (again), Martin doms this chapter but he is such a soft dom, pain kink but gentle, me projecting biting kink onto both of them

Jon steadied his breathing as he stood in front of a half-full shelf holding two novels that he'd read once in his hands. He could do this, it was Martin and it was a conversation Jon really wanted to have at some point, “Can we lay on the couch with my head in your lap?”

“Course," Martin's voice came from behind him, "would you mind starting the kettle while I finish getting your books onto shelves?”

Jon nodded and went out to the kitchen, waiting till he was away from Martin to grab his legs, digging into the muscle with fingers. Just the right amount of pressure so he could really feel it but he wouldn’t bruise.

 _It's okay, it's okay, it's okay,_ his brain repeated in a litany of self-reassurance that had been happening since Jon decided he was going to talk to Martin about this. Martin came in a moment later and jon was still frozen.

“Hey love,” He laid a hand on Jon's arm, “You okay? You’ve been in here for like five minutes now and haven’t moved from the doorway... I know the move is big, if-”

Five minutes? Had it really been that long? His fingers ached from squeezing.

Gingerly he released his legs, “It isn’t the move, I like the move. Honestly, I’m dealing with it alright. Just got lost in thought.”

Martin hummed doubtfully but letting it drop, he quietly spent a few minutes making two mugs of tea and said, “Alright come on, let's get comfy so you can ask your question.”

Jon stopped in his tracks and sighed, dropping his face into his hands to smush it, “Was it that obvious?”

“Yes, now come on before I spill.”

Martin set the mugs on the table and settled in his usual spot. Jon stood awkwardly off to the side.

“Love?” Martin prodded gently.

“Could I request you crush me in some way for this conversation?” Jon said weakly.

Martin had done so before, many times back in the safe house when Jon needed to tell him something but was panicking. One notable occasion had been when Jon had a panic attack while trying to officially ask Martin to be his boyfriend. Eventually, he had had to ask Martin to squeeze his hand just so he had something grounding him.

Martin made a small noise of agreement that seemed…. happy, “Okay, hug, cuddle, or lay on top of you?”

“Lay on top of me, feel like I'm buzzing out of my skin, need to be smushed.”

“Alright,” Martin rose from the couch, “You lay down first then.”

Jon laid down and Martin gently maneuvered himself directly above Jon and laid down on him, front-to-front. Jon felt like it was easier to breathe like this. Something holding him down, in place, together.

Martin’s head was on his chest and turned so he was looking out into the living room, “So what’s up?”

Jon was so glad Martin wasn’t making him look at him for this conversation.

“Okay first, it's entirely alright if you don’t wish to discuss this now or ever, it's very personal but I would like to know.”

“Okay…”

“How would you rate your libido on average? Low, moderate, or high?” Jon rushed out quickly.

Martin was quiet for a moment before he started giggling, he turned his face to bury it in Jon's chest and Jon found that that was alright. His chest was alright when it was for use as a pillow.

“Jon,” Martin’s voice was muffled but still clearly full of laughter, he lifted his face to look up at him, “Did you just ask me to _rate my libido_?”

“Yes I did,” Jon said, feeling his face burning with warmth, “I, personally, would probably rank near the higher end.”

“I don't know how to rate this," Martin said, still seeming amused or maybe flustered.

“Okay ah- we could talk about this in terms of frequency?” 

“Like, okay are you asking me how often I like to get off??”

“Yes unless you’re uncomfortable with the question.”

“I… it depends on the day i guess," Martin laughed, "but I mean usually two or three times a week? You?”

“Ah…” Jon now regretted making the question on about frequency, because it was much easier to say something was high rather than define it specifically, “I have a habit of... when given opportunity, once a day…” 

He quickly rushed on, “But really I only start feeling uncomfortable about not having done so after three or four days!”

Martin smiled gently, “Meaning you’ve been dying because you’ve been here all the time and I haven’t exactly given you time to take care of yourself.”

“Ah… well….. Yes?”

“Okay, well just let me know if or when you need privacy or want assistance okay?” Martin, scooched up to kiss his cheek.

“Okay, “Jon said weakly, but then shook his head and clear his throat, “wait, listen you, don’t make me feel all soft and emotional when I’m trying to be serious.”

" I'm a poet Jon, you knew I was very emotional when we got together. It’s hardly my fault.”

“Okay yes this is true, but listen, all this is to say… will you please tell me if you want to have sex with me? Because I know you, you went a year and you never once brought up the topic of sex even before i came out as ace to you and I want… I want to have sex with you. And maybe what exactly I want may change from day to day but I would like that to be a regular thing we do if you want to as well.”

“O-okay uh," Martin paused, but nodded slowly, "yes, I’d like that too.”

“So we’ll tell each other when we want to do something?” Jon asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes but… can that apply to uh... Sorry, this is probably weird but could this apply to the kitty thing as well?” Martin asked.

Jon stopped, blinking.

“I just, I enjoy taking care of you? Uhm I know it’s your thing, but do you think occasionally I could ask to do it if you're up for it? Because… I- I like it. Your being all soft and not stopping me from praising you and letting me take care of you. It feels good.”

“I’d love that,” Jon breathed, eyes stinging.

“Oh! Well good, that’s- that’s good.”

That hung in the air for a moment before Jon cleared his throat and spoke.

“You could also be in charge for sex sometimes if you like, I’m very much a switch if that wasn’t abundantly clear.”

"Oh, yeah I'd like to try that."

"Do you have any limits I should know about?" Jon asked, "I should have asked before we did all that the other night but I ended up just settling on just asking before I did anything."

"Oh uh like body-wise?"

Jon nodded. Martin laid his head back down on Jon's chest.

"This is probably weird but I'm not really into anal? Giving or receiving? Like I can't really get into it knowing there's an arse involved? Just feels a little too unsanitary which I can push past, Ya know. I mean I'll do it if you want me to I just-"

"You don't have to explain why and I don't want to do anything you're uncomfortable with."

"Okay, sorry it's just, understandably that's kinda a staple of sex and I've occasionally found guys who aren't really willing to let it go and we ended up breaking up in the end."

"Fools, all of them," Jon leaned his head forward to press a kiss into Martin's curls, it was strange seeing the top of his head, "anything else?"

"I mean physically that's pretty much the only one but if we're really getting the whole kink thing we should probably… ya know lay out some ground rules and limits and such."

"Ah yes, fair point."

"So uhm I'm also a switch, top three kinks are probably praise, degrading, and I've got a pretty big pain thing but mainly on me, I absolutely don't want to try anything even hinting at exhibitionism. I like being watched but only by you and your freaky fear god. Also no blood or like bathroom.stuff."

"I did assume from that fact that anal is too unsanitary that you didn't have a latent piss kink but thank you for confirming," jon laughed.

Martin laughed too then asked, "How about you?"

"Ah…" Jon found himself squirming a bit, "I have ideas due to having watched and read about these sorts of things but I haven't gotten to try anything until recently with you. Georgie and I didn't really get into learning about kink until after we'd broken up."

"That's alright, what would you be interested in trying?"

"I mean... I would like to try bondage."

"On me or you?"

"Both? If that's alright, of course?"

"I would love to tie you up and be tied up by you," Martin said.

Jon felt heat shoot through him, pooling between his legs, "Right, yeah uh- okay those are ideas. Okay."

"What else?"

"If you like I could get into the uhm degrading bit?"

"Well if you not into it th-"

"No no I am," Jon flushed at the admission, "I ah- I rather like the idea of it? Is that okay?"

"Why do you like it?" Martin looked skeptical.

"I- well I rather like the notion of you ah- being that needy- wanting to be that needy for me?" Jon managed, not quite able to look at Martin fully, "I like the idea of you enjoying that."

"Oh… that's uhm- okay yeah that checks out. Is there anything else?"

"I could see myself theoretically maybe being okay with penetration at some point. I- I don't know when that would be something I'd be okay with but that would not be out of the question."

"Penetration, like…? Like me uhm inside your- inside you?"

"Only if that's something you'd be interested in," Jon said quickly, the silence seemed to stretch on for ages.

"Sorry I didn't mean to presume or- look I haven't even been particularly interested in penetration, in general, I just- I more like the idea of that sort of closeness? Like being that close to you and being connected? I'm sorry that just-"

"No, hey, that's okay, sorry I- I'm not- look I really like that idea if you haven't noticed, " Martin said shifting a little as if to point out his half-hard dick pressing against Jon's leg, "Let me know if you want me to uhm move by the way but yeah the idea was just a bit distracting and…. Whatever, look maybe we could start with some other ways of getting that closeness first?"

"Don't move, first of all, I don't mind you laying here while you're… yes. Anyway, what other ways?"

"Naked cuddling?"

"Lovely but Martin I'm not against more taking place… I ah- I'd like to feel you?" Jon shifted his leg just a little to press against Martin's erection.

"Well, then we can try… I don't know, your hand, your mouth, hell even just slid between your thighs? I just- I don't want to be inside you unless you really want that, and if it's just a means of- of touching me, we can try other methods?"

"You are amazing and I love how careful you are with me," Jon said softly, "But really I would like to try it sometime."

"If you really want to."

"I do."

"Then yeah, we can, I'd like that."

"There is one more thing uh… I've come to a decision on my chest," Jon said seriously.

Martin looked up, " Oh?'

"I am okay with you touching if you just only do it certain ways?"

Martin opened his mouth, an uncertain look on his face but Jon cut him off.

"I want you to," Jon corrected, "If you are interested then I want you to."

Martin closed his mouth looking thoughtful for a second, "Okay, how can I touch you?"

"It's um- like an open-handed thing? Like smoothing over- hhh it's hard to describe without showing but dysphoria isn't gonna let that happen right now ah..."

"You could uhm do it to me?" Martin suggested, "I mean- my chest is bigger than the average guy's anyway so it'll be kinda similar so I can get an idea of what you mean?" 

"Would you be okay with that?" 

"Yeah you know let's sit up and I give you blanket permission to do what you like to my chest okay?"

"Alright ah- yes," Jon said as Martin began to clamber off of him and Jon sat up. 

Martin shucked off both layers covering his top half and settled on the couch.

Jon scooted closer but as he raised his hands slightly off his lap he realized he absolutely could not do this and promptly dropped his face into his palms. Embarrassment clawed through him

"Hey love It's okay, you don't have to-"

".... Could we kiss for a bit? I swear I will happily feel you up but that cannot be the only thing I'm doing."

Martin's hands found Jon's wrists and gently guided his hands away from his face, "Come here, love."

Jon was pulled closer until his chest was pressed against Martin's. His hands still held Jon's wrists, gently confining him.

Martin's face was so close, cheeks dotted with freckles, "Jon?"

"Mhh?" Jon managed.

"This okay?"

Jon nodded, "Please?"

Martin's expression seemed to become heated and then he was leaning forward and capturing Jon's mouth. The kiss was a hot press of mouths and Martin bit into his lip. Jon made a noise into it that he was absolutely not proud of. Martin grinned briefly against his mouth before diving back into it with full force. 

Jon felt pleasantly a bit lost. Like Martin was all around him blocking all else out. It was safe and warm and he was certain nothing else had ever felt this good.

Martin's hand began guiding Jon's hands by the wrist somewhere and Jon didn't realize the destination until his palms were pressed to the softness of Martin's chest. 

Jon tried desperately to remember what he was supposed to be doing but he was being drawn into Martin's lap and focus seemed nigh impossible. Martin's mouth pressed him backward but at some point Martin's hands had come to be splayed across his back, keeping him steady and in place. 

Martin was soft and he smelled like tea and Jon felt like simply going limp then and there because Martin would take care of him. 

Martin, Martin, mart-

Martin pulled back a bit with a smile, "Is this what I'm supposed to be doing?"

Jon blinked confused before following Martin's glace to his hands which had been sitting still and forgotten on Martin's chest.

"Oh," Jon said vaguely, "I forgot."

Martin's head fell forward with a laugh, forehead pressed against Jon's, "You forgot?"

Jon blinked slowly, "I just- you feel very nice. Kissing you is really very good."

"Hmm well, we can go back to doing that after you show me what it is you want."

jon frowned, "Fine." 

He slowly exhaled as he began moving his hands over Martin's chest, carefully not grabbing or squeezing but just following the curve of his chest with relaxed hands.

Jon tried to explain as he moved, allowing his thumb to catch on martin's nipple for a moment, "It's, it's like, I want my chest to be touched, it feels nice but grabbing or squishing makes it too noticeable that there is extra tissue there. It's supposed to be mostly flat?"

"Oh, okay yeah that makes sense," Martin nodded.

"It does?"

"Yes, love."

"Oh, good. Now could you kindly start kissing me again, I need it," Jon wanted to see Martin's reaction, and he wasn't above a little pleading.

Martin's sharp intake of breath was audible, "Need it huh?"

Jon nodded, "Please. Also, feel free to pin me down while you do it."

Martin made the softest low noise in the back of his throat and let out a slow shuddering breath, "You're going to kill me if you keep talking like that."

"There is a way to shut me up," Jon pointed out, quietly as Martin had leaned closer.

"Oh well, I suppose I'll just have to try that then won't I?" And with that martin's mouth was blissfully back on his. 

Thank goodness, it was about time. If Jon had to say anything else like that he was sure embarrassment would stop him from expressing it.

Jon reached up to wind his fingers in Martin's hair but felt his wrists get grabbed and Martin broke away and tightened his grip just this side of painful.

"Oh god," Jon breathed. The pressure was nice, as was the reminder of Martin's strength.

"Okay?" Martin checked loosening his girl a little.

"Harder wouldn't be bad," Jon said trying to keep his voice even.

"I'm trying not to hurt you, Jon."

"I ah- I don't think I'd mind it so much if you did?" 

"I- are you sure?"

Jon nodded. He was surprised himself, the idea of pain didn't really appeal to him as a concept but Martin doing? That was interesting, that would be controlled because Martin wouldn't do anything over the top. It was Martin and he was gentle and Jon wanted to see him be harsh.

Martin looked at him for a moment and asked, "Okay may I ask what direction this is headed?"

Jon's heart sunk. 

"Uhm, I sorry but not sex? I ah- understand if this is leaning a bit too much in that direction and you wish to stop. But I wouldn't mind you doing all that as long as I don't touch and im not involved in any fluids."

"Okay, what do you want though?"

Jon hesitated, that was… A difficult question, "Anything you want that doesn't involve genitals?"

Martin frowned in disapproval, his tone was warning as he said, "Jon."

"I really mean it," Jon said quickly, "I just… I want all the touching and sensation and- and I swear if you ever bring this up again I will deny that I said it, but I want you to hold me down and do whatever you like to me."

"So uh theoretically if what I wanted to do to you did involve removing your clothes?"

"No touching chest or genitals. Other than that I'm intrigued."

Martin grinned as if he had just gotten away with something terribly clever and Jon could not wait to find out what, "Great in that case, grab my shoulders "

"Why?" Jon asked as Martin released his wrists. 

"Because I told you to, love," Martin said with a smile. 

Jon felt his stomach flip and he placed his hand on Martin's shoulders. 

"Hold on now," Martin said and slipped his hands under Jon and hoisted him up, one hand on his back pressing Jon against Martin's still bare chest, the other was hooked under Jon's thigh.

And Martin stood and made for the bedroom, carrying jon easily. The hallway light caught in Martin's curls catching hues in them that Jon didn't see often. 

Jon felt so, so much, god- here was Martin, and he was _carrying_ him. He pressed his face to Martin's chest and started making clicking noises in his mouth because if he didn't make some noise right now it would come out as a squeal and he couldn't do that.

"All good there?" Martin asked as he nudged the door open with his elbows. 

Jon nodded, not lifting his face, and lifted one of his hands to give a thumbs up.

"Good," Martin then dropped him gently onto the bed. 

"Clothes off please."

Jon quickly fumbled with the buttons on his shirt, pulling it off and tossing it off the side of the bed. When he glanced up Martin was getting out of his jeans and jon followed suit with his slacks, dropping them to the floor as well despite the fact that he would have to iron them later. 

Jon looked up at Martin once he'd completed his task.

Martin smiled at him, "There's a good boy."

Jon's brain went blank, if there had been any coherent thoughts before that they were certainly gone now.

"I- I uh- what do I call you when you're in charge?" The words fell out of Jon's mouth as they were the only thing left in his head.

"I think my name will do just fine this time, I like hearing you say it."

"Okay."

"Now lay flat on your front?" Martin said with less question in his voice, and more politely demanding than anything else. Jon moved quickly into position turning his head on its side to look at Martin who was climbing on the bed… And moving towards Jon coming to straddle him, arse resting on Jon's thighs.

"What-?"

"Hang on," Martin said, smoothing his hands up Jon's back soothingly, "Just relax love."

Then Martin's thumbs found their way to the base of Jon's neck and began pressing into the flesh gently.

Jon jerked upward as much as he could with Martin sitting on him, "You tricked me! This isn't you having your way with me this is a massage!"

"Well I used to be a masseuse and if you just let me do it normally I w-"

"No! No way, I am fine with tension in my muscles, it keeps me quick."

"Jon," Martin said, pulling back his hands, "This is what I want to do to you, now you can, of course, withdraw that consent, is that what you're doing?"

"I- no… I just.." Jon hated massages, mostly because of how thoroughly he enjoyed them. It was vulnerable. The sensation was everything he wanted, the deep pressure of hands bearing into muscle and anytime he got a massage it ended with him crying in relief. It felt helpless but not in a bad way and Martin would think he was bad crying and pull away all panicked and-

And hang on Jon could just- he could explain beforehand, couldn't he?

Jon collapsed forward into the bed, "I… really do like massages but they can be a little bit overwhelming for me? In a good way. And it's okay to keep going even if I cry. But I probably won't be much for words."

"Okay."

"Huh you know that was much easier," Jon murmured half to himself.

"What was?"

"Ah… explaining instead of panicking and falling apart."

"Hmm who could have foreseen that?"

"Shut up," Jon groaned. 

"Now, now," Martin said, leaning very close to Jon and speaking in a low voice, "let's not forget who's in charge right now."

Jon's breath caught as Martin grazed teeth over his jaw.

"Please," the word fell from Jon's mouth but he didn't know what he was asking for.

But Martin seemed to, he dipped further down and pressed a slow kiss to the side of Jon's neck, biting lightly there as well.

Jon went boneless, "I really like that," he said dreamily.

"Yeah?"

"Mmmm."

"Good," Martin sat up then and Jon made a small grunt of complaint. 

Here he thought he might get something for being honest about how much he liked it. 

Then Martin's hands were working his muscles. Jon heard a soft whine and almost didn't realize it was his.

Martin was very thorough, gently working at the heavily knotted muscles until they relaxed under his hands and Jon found himself moaning at times. When that happened he would hear Martin's breath catch and sometimes Martin would respond by biting lightly at the same spot he'd just massaged.

His lower back was the worst of it, it constantly hurt and Martin rubbing at it only hurt more. A sob escapes Jon's mouth.

"Still good?" Martin asked, letting up a little.

Jon nodded furiously, the only words that he could think of were 'more, _please_ ' and god was he allowed to say that?

Jon didn't know how long he laid there as Martin massaged down his back and moved onto his legs.

Jon wasn't particularly aware of himself until Martin's hands left him.

"Aren't you pretty? All relaxed," Martin said softly and Jon realized he was sitting off to the side of Jon now several inches of intolerable apace between them. Martin's hand reached out, bridging the distance, and brushed Jon's hair out of his face.

"I- Martin," Jon mumbled, then frowned and added emphatically, " _Martin._ "

Martin smiled, "You were so good for me. Is there anything I can do for you? Do you want anything before bed?"

Did he? He feared moving at all would derail this pleasant boneless feeling but...

"I- can you _please_ hold me down and kiss me now," Jon tried to sound polite and serious, but it came out as a whine.

Martin looked a little surprised.

"Please?" Jon asked realizing that the answer was probably no.

"You really want that?"

Jon sighed, he turned on his side and sat up facing Martin, ready to let it drop, "Sorry for pushing. I did not- I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." 

"I didn't say no," Martin reached out a and a soft hand grabbed his wrist and gripped it tightly enough to hurt just a little, "Come back here to the middle of the bed."

The pain in his wrists was a low thrumming thing as Martin's hand firmly guided him to sitting back in the center of the bed then released his wrist in favor of pushing Jon backward by the shoulder's into the sheets. 

And finally, Martin kissed him again, slow and deep as if he was intentionally trying to take Jon apart with his tongue. His fingers laced into Jon's hair and pulled just a little. 

They broke apart and Jon couldn't find it in him to open his eyes, but Martin didn't go far, pressing his forehead against Jon's, his voice was soft but there was something possessive running through it, "Jon, my Jon."

Jon nodded, pressing his lips to Martin's 'yours' he wanted to say.

And Martin guided him softly into another kiss that went on for several minutes until Jon broke away, "I don't need anything else before bed, just this, just hold me."

"I'd like nothing more," Martin said softly, and if Jon wasn't mistaken he was beginning to sound tired himself. 

They kissed a few more times before they finally fell asleep.

At an entirely appropriate time of 4:48 in the afternoon.


	8. Marriage proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a modest proposal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know its not long but i spent weeks trying to figure out how I wanted the next chapter to go, wrote over 6,000 words of drafts
> 
> and this was the only thing that felt organic and... honestly I'm really happy with it

"Jon-love it's time to wake up, everyone will be here soon for the support group,” Martin’s voice broke through the pleasant haze of sleep. 

Jon opened his eyes a sliver and saw Martin laying on his side, propped up on his elbow looking down at Jon.

"Nooooo," Jon groaned, closing his eyes again, "I can't move. You broke me."

Martin sighed in exasperation, "Jon…"

"It's fine, tell the others I'm recovering because you fucked me half to death," Jon said, waving him off.

"I did no such thing!" Martin said with a laugh, jabbing jon in the side lightly, "A massage, no matter how kinky, doesn't count as me having fucked you."

“That’s true,” Jon said consideringly, "You could do it for real but then we might be a bit late. Text them, from my phone 'sorry everyone my husband is about to fuck me, can we postpone an hour or two?'."

"Your _what_?" Martin breathed.

Jon frowned still keeping his eyes shut, "my…"

His eyes flew open, "oh."

"Jon?" Martin said and he sounded so hopeful and fragile at once.

"My... husband?" Jon asked, voice soft. He reached out and laid a hand against Martin's cheek, "Perhaps that might be skipping a step or two but…"

But Martin had walked through the apocalypse with him. But Martin asked him to take up space in his life. But Martin was unspeakably kind and creative and a little bitchy in just the right way. But Martin was the sort of man who carried spiders out with a cup even after the apocalypse and the sort of man to suggest killing Jonah by throwing heavy objects at him. 

He cleared his throat, "Would you like to give me a reason to call you that?"

Martin was tearing up and Jon felt his own eyes stinging, "Jon, are you serious because if this is just because you made a slip-up-"

Jon steadied his breathing, “I want you to be my husband. Please."

“I- yeah, Jon yeah absolutely, god absolutely,” Martin’s arm slid under Jon’s head and bent down kissing Jon soundly. Jon’s face felt wet and he didn’t know if it was his tears or Martin’s. Jon’s hands came to the sides of Martin’s face holding him there despite the fact that neither of them had stopped smiling after the initial kiss.

“You’re sure?” Martin asked softly, “Because…”

“I am if you are,” Jon’s hands were shaking.

“Yeah, I want to marry you, I want you to be my husband.”

“Good,” Jon felt himself smiling wider than he was used to doing, “Now let’s shower and get ready for everyone to come over I need to brag about my fiance!”

Martin beamed, “Oh what we aren’t canceling anymore?”

“Martin, how could you think about sex at a time like this?”

“I wasn’t-!” he saw Jon’s smirk, “Shut up, bastard, just get in the shower, I’ll grab us clothes.”

He rolled off of Jon and gave him a gentle shove.

Jon laughed and hauled himself out of bed, “I love you too.”


	9. Engagement Presents and A Poetry Book

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poetry, and engagement presents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is some disgustingly sweet set up for a few other ideas I've had kicking around in my head
> 
> Content warnings;  
> -discussion of the dark domain from s5  
> -more direct discussion of the fallout of the apocalypse

"Martin I am home and I deserve many kisses!" Jon announced into the apartment leaning against the door to shut it and dropping his bags to the floor. Martin looked up from his notebook. 

"Well that's usually true but give me a moment to finish this and I’ll deliver. I’ll be two minutes…. Maybe five."

Jon laughed softly and watched as Martin turned back to his poem. 

He was so pretty when he assumed no one was looking. Brow furrowed, picking at his lower lip with his teeth. Jon bit back a huff this is why his lips were always chapped. Chapstick didn’t help either, Jon had tried but Martin refused to wear anything that didn’t taste good but if it did taste good he’d end up licking it off.

It was equal parts endearing and absolutely maddening.

"Aaaaaaand done!" Martin stood and came over to Jon, pressing a kiss to Jon’s lips. Not as chapped as usual, to Martin’s credit.

"Mmm, May I hear it?"

"Hmmm, Only after you tell me where you've been," Martin said trying to peer into the bags.

Jon stepped in the way, "Bought you presents. Poem, go read."

Martin sighed, "Well, it _is_ a poem for you so I suppose you can hear it before you tell me what you got me and why."

Jon stayed where he was as Martin wandered back to his book.

He cleared his throat and when he began talking his voice was a gentle rhythm that Jon wanted to sink into like water.

"The grass never lay so soft  
As it does this dawn.  
Lifting me gently aloft,  
While I lay upon the lawn,” He glances at Jon as if checking for a reaction. Jon knows smile has made its way to his face and it must look disgustingly sappy but martin seems satisfied and turns back to his words without much pause.

“Iris blooms shine bright.  
And the wind, its whisper slows.  
I bathe there within the light,  
Not knowing what it knows.

Raindrops touch my face,  
And fall too from my eyes,  
My heart wants to race,  
And I can admit it cries,” He laughs self-consciously at that last line.

He sighs, the smile fading to a look of contentment, “This valley feels like home.  
No trace of fog is in the air.  
I don't think I want to roam.  
I think I'm safe there."

"It still needs some fine-tuning but yeah…"

Jon had the distinct feeling that this was very sweet even though it'd probably take him a good few minutes to figure out what it was about through the metaphors. It was a lovely scene Martin painted nonetheless.

"It was lovely and you’re wonderful," Jon said going to him and pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"Shush, why don't you just tell me what you’ve gone and bought?"

"You know that one stand at the farmers market with the good yarn?"

"Of course."

"I… well I got you one of every color,” Jon rushed out, “I decided I wasn't much of an engagement ring person but this way you'll have whatever it is you decide to make as a memento?"

"You’re adorable," Martin said kissing him, then rushing over to pick up the bags and bringing them over to the table. He began pulling out the yarn spool by spool, "so if we're not really ring people what should I get you? All you do is read and listen to music and I already bought you headphones for our anniversary and that blue tooth speaker for your birthday. So… a book?"

"Martin please don't be offended by this but..."

"Yeah yeah your right, no way in hell I'll be able to find a book that you haven't read and you like."

Jon laughed, "I'm sorry… I like blankets?"

"Do you want any more?" Martin leveled him with an unimpressed glare.

Jon winced, "I ah- I have seven that I can't use because my fiance is a space heater."

“That’s what I thought,” Martin said shaking his head with a good-natured eye-roll, “… I have one more idea?"

"Oh?" That was rather impressive since Jon didn't have anymore.

"I was wondering if you might like more kitty stuff?"

"Oh! Actually, that's- that's not bad uh- like what?"

"I was thinking I’d get a bunch of stuff and you can decide what you want of it and I’d return the rest?"

Jon nodded, "I like that idea. Uh- no collars?"

"Oh yeah no. No collar."

"Then yes,” Jon agreed, “let's do it."

"Great!"

***

"Jon the last package is here," Martin said coming into the kitchen while he was preparing his lunch about a week and a half later.

"Okay, I'll be there soon I’m waiting for my pasta to finish boiling."

"Alright!"

Martin shuffled out and Jon went back to stirring the pasta to a steady rhythm of a song that was stuck in his head.

"And what if when he holds me," he sang softly, "my heart is set in motion? I'm not prepared for that, I'm scared of breaking open."

He couldn't distinctly remember the next line so he cycled back around to the beginning and let himself jump at random from verse to chorus not truly caring if the lyric was right.

He tasted a piece of pasta and found it was done, maybe a touch softer than he would've liked but not complete mush. He turned off the stove and poured it out into the colander.

He made himself a bowl and grabbed a fork, then went out into the lining room and saw many new items spread out across the floor all in their shiny plastic packaging.

“Uhm… ta-da?” Martin spread his arms like one of those people who presented prizes on game shows, “Uhm this is the big thing but… kitty bed?”

He gestured to a large, dark blue, fluffy bed that was probably made for one of the bigger breeds of dogs.

“Oh,” Jon said softly, his head suddenly full of the idea of curling up in that while martin did something else and simply napping, “That-” No, no, now was not the time to gush if he did then he probably wouldn’t be coherent enough by the end of it to continue this conversation.

He nodded, “Yes, it’s very nice.”

“Are you okay?” Martin asked.

“Yes Uhm... yes,” Jon shoveled a mouthful of pasta into his mouth to silence the torrent of words that wanted to escape his mouth. Words about how lovely martin was. Words asking whether they might use some of these when they were done deciding what to keep. Words that weren’t words but rather soft purring chirps.

Martin looked nervous but took him at his word.

“I also picked out a few toys? This one has feathers,” Martin held up a package and looked around seeming as if he felt a bit helpless.

Jon nodded, “Thank you.” He pressed a quick kiss to martin’s cheek, “Please don’t panic I’m just… trying to hold myself together. Still not used to you doing this with me and it’s overwhelming but… good.”

Martin loosened slightly, “Good. So, there’s also these balls with bells? But they’re- they’re noisier than I expected, did you want them?”

Jon felt bad because martin had tried very hard but he tentatively shook his head.

“Yeah, i didnt think so,” Martin winced with a bit of a smile.

“Anyway uh- I found these and only realized about three seconds ago that cats probably dont chew on things as much so like-”

“No wait are those chew stims?” Jon said perking up looking at the package of multicolored rubber charms on strings for necklaces.

“Yeah, I thought they would be safest for your teeth?”

“I love them,” Jon said, there were a few different shapes a star, a cylinder, one was shaped like a smiley face which was a bit goofy but chew stims!

“Oh! Great,” Martin beamed, “Then they’re yours!”

“Thank you,” Jon said softly.

“There are two more things?”

“Okay!” Jon heard how openly excited his voice was and hated it a little but Martin seemed much more relaxed.

“Ears and a tail?” He said, seeming to brace for Jon’s reaction.

Jon stopped. He’d never really considered that before… huh.

“Sorry if that’s not-”

“No no let me think about this…. I think… no thank you to the ears, I- I like when you pet me, those make it… kinda hard?”.

“They’re gone,” Martin said tossing the ears back into the box sitting there.

Then jon frowned, “Uh- most tails are connected via ah… are they not?”

“Oh no!” Martin said laughing, “It’s on a harness. Just straps around your legs and hips? Found it on Etsy.”

“Oh! I didn’t know they made those,” Jon said softly, “I- I rather like the idea?”

“Oh great! …I think you’d look really cute with a tail If I’m honest,” Martin laughed.

Jon flushed, “We could test that if you like?”

Martin’s cheeks colored but he shook his head.

“I would love to, I really would, but I have a meeting,” Martin said looking truly regretful.

Jon raised an eyebrow, “A meeting?”

“Yeah, I uh- I’m going to meet with Naomi Hearne?”

“With… _oh_ yes of course. I uh- sorry this is going to sound awful but… why? I mean why specifically her. There were lots of other statement givers who survived and- alright maybe not lots but-”

“Its- its actually because she wants to publish some of my poems in a collection.”

“What? Martin that’s fantastic, I didn’t know she was in publishing, why didn’t you mention this?”

“It’s- well I don’t know. I didn’t know how you’d react when you found out what it was for?”

“What... do you mean?” Jon asked tentatively.

“It’s going to be a collection of kids’ poems with me and some other writers and an illustrator and the main theme is… making the fears funny?”

Jon stopped, “.....I’m sorry _what_?”

Martin took a deep breath and launched into a rant, “How else are they supposed to process any of this? It’s bad enough for the rest of us who saw things other than the dark. They’re growing up in the wake of global debilitating trauma. The only people who are coping are the ones lucky enough to have forgotten most of it. These kids theoretically gotta grow up into like- _actual people_ one day, right? So… we gotta start contextualizing some of this in a way that doesn’t feed the fears even more. And we can’t just go and say ‘Remember not to be afraid or they get stronger.’ Because that will make it so much worse so… Naomi had the idea of trying to help kids cope like this. She- she needed to work with other people so that she didn’t slide back into… well yeah. And if anyone needs our attention right now its the kids right? So she contacted Sasha to get connections to people with experiences through old Institute records and… we got in touch.”

“And...Why were you nervous about my reaction?” Jon asked quietly.

“Kids are… look I don’t know what it is really but you look like... like you’re about to break anytime you’re reminded that kids were affected by,” Martin waved his hand vaguely, “All of this. I mean- The dark domain was… _awful_. And since then anytime-”

“It’s not just since then,” Jon interrupted, “Not only because of that I mean. It’s… You remember the book I told you about when we were in the safe house?”

The images of Mr. Spider still burned dark into his mind, the memory had faded somewhat before he got the job as Archivist but if there was anything the eye did well it was sharpening focus on remembered horrors.

“Oh…” Martin said softly.

“I just… I hate that literally, every _single_ child in the world went through… frankly much worse than what I did. There were infants Martin, actual- actual babies who cried into darkness for that whole time with no one to- to even _hear_ them. I- I can ask Oliver to bring back the dead, Micheal can do memory wipes for people who want them, I can help run support groups, play paintball with Daisy and Basira, spend time with you to keep away the loneliness but... there is literally nothing I can do to help them beyond regulated nightlight distribution. An entire generation whose most major memory from their formative years is monsters in the dark and no one to hear them cry? I can’t _fix_ that. And I hate it.”

Martin was quiet as Jon spoke.

“But this?” Jon continued, sliding his hand into Martin’s “This is _wonderful_ Martin. It is the best thing you’ve ever done.”

“High praise when I helped fix the world,” Martin laughed, clinging to Jon’s hand.

“Helping these children in whatever capacity we can is what will actually save it,” Jon said seriously.

“Thank you… and you know Naomi’s already looking for new ideas for how to keep helping after this. Keep up the healing process, you know? So if you have anything I can give you her email.”

“Would she even want to hear from me after seeing me in her nightmares for years on end?”

“I don’t honestly know, I’ll ask at our meeting, if not Sasha and I can still pass along your ideas.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course,” Martin squeezed his hand briefly.

“You should get ready then I suppose?” Jon said.

“Yeah, but I’ll be back later tonight and maybe we can get dinner?” Martin said, standing up but not releasing Jon’s hand.

“That sounds lovely.”

“Good, and I promise we will be able to try all this stuff soon. How bout tomorrow?”

Jon shook his head, “Paintball day.”

Martin winced sympathetically, “Yeah okay fair, how bout… Thursday? You should at least be mostly recovered by then?”

“It’s a date,” Jon said.

“Good,” Martin bent over, kissing Jon briefly, then standing and releasing his hand, “Better go put on a more respectable poet shirt before I’m late.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter, a tail  
> Next chapter who knows( I certainly don't)


	10. Cowboy Dom Jon and Kitty Tail Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kitty tail time! i promised this didn't I?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so most of this is disgustingly soft however  
> warning:  
> -offscreen threat to the boys lives made by some random dude  
> -this threat will not be followed through on but martins a bit anxious about it

Martin was chewing his lip again. Jon saw him flinch a little at the pain while he continued crocheting otherwise serenely.

“Martin?” Jon said.

“Ah howdy,” Martin said acknowledging the cowboy accent Jon hadn’t noticed on himself, “yes I’m now open for questions except any that will lead to breaking up with me, please save those for after I get to see you in a tail,” Martin laughed then looked down meeting Jon’s eyes.

“No this is… hopefully, a good one?” Jon said forcing him to be properly British.

“No don’t switch back questions are more fun in that voice,” Martin groaned.

Jon couldn’t help but feel that this might be an odd thing to deliver while sounding like he was auditioning for Walker Texas Ranger but so be it, Martin asked.

“Not too sure how ya should phrase this,” Jon continued, “but I was wonderin’ if you might like for me ta dom ya into some self-care?”

Martin broke into peals of laughter, “Oh fuck,” He wheezed, “that’s- okay okay- hang on-”

He settled himself and Jon couldn’t help but smile up at him.

“Okay,” Martin managed, “Sorry but could you explain?”

“Yea’, see… ya keep hurtin’ yerself biting yer lip? And there’s other stuff like forgettin’ to eat and ya don’ use lotion til yer skin is cracking-”

“Oh uh- right sorry,” Martin flushed, “I’ve been meaning too but I forget a lot.”

“I just thought that maybe if rememberin’ was hard we could make it more fun? Cuz ya like me tellin’ ya what to do in the dom way and…” Jon felt nervous about Martin’s reaction.

“That… sounds _really_ nice?” Martin sighed.

“Oh? Really?” Jon blinked, “Like when I see you bitin’ yer lips or-?”

“Yeah feel free to order me about, then it’s... better. Feels good doing what you tell me to. It’s not really all that different than us doing the kitty thing when you’re stressed yeah?”

That was actually a fair point.

“An’ you’ll tell me if ya want me to stop?”

“Of course.”

“Good.”

***

When Jon came home from buying Icy-Hot the day after paintball Martin was cleaning the floors. He did this when he got anxious. Cleaned. 

Jon didn’t know if it was the old itch of the corruption or something from the way his mom had been. He knew Martin had been the one expected to do the housework in his house growing up.

He was at the scrubbing stage and the last few times he’d done this his fingers had bled from the chemicals and the dry skin.

Okay, okay this was it. 

Jon set down the bag on the table, toed off his shoes, not willing to ruin Martin’s floors. Then he walked into the kitchen.

“Martin?” He said sternly. Martin paused and looked up, “What are you doing?”

“I’m uh- cleaning the floors?”

“Hands,” Jon held out his own, palms up.

“What?”

“Let me see your hands,” Jon said pausing in between the words for emphasis.

Then Martin seemed to realize what was happening, “Yes sir.” He placed his hands in Jon’s for examination.

Jon looked them over. They were damp and smelled like pine floor cleaner. His knuckles were red and raw and the fingertips were visibly cracking.

“You’re finished now,” Jon told him with quiet expectation.

“What- what should I do, sir?”

“Good boy, asking. Wash your hands gently and then we’ll go to the bedroom.”

Martin nodded quickly, “Okay.” 

He got to his feet and went over to the sink then paused, “My floors?”

“They look clean, you did a good job but you have to take a break now,” Jon told him gently.

“O-okay.”

Martin washed his hands under Jon’s supervision then reached for the towel, but Jon took it and started dabbing at the skin gently, “Alright, do you remember what’s next?”

“Go to the room?”

“Yes,” Jon said pleased.

“Right,” Martin nodded quickly. And they made their way to the room and Martin sat gently on the bed, placing him lower than Jon.

“Good boy,” Jon said lifting his hand to card through Martin’s hair.

“Uhm what- what now?”

“You want to tell me what’s going on?”

“I-”

“ _Martin_ ,” Jon said warningly though he knew there would be no consequences if Martin chose not to tell him.

“I… I missed you…”

“I was only gone an hour,” Jon said softly, taking Martin’s hands.

“I’m sorry,” Martin said looking down.

“No no uh I just don’t really understand, we spend longer apart most days?”

“I know I just… day before yesterday when I was out with Naomi and someone started…. Being just kinda dick and they said-” Martin stopped.

“What?”

“That if we were smart we wouldn’t go out so much because anyone would be well within their right to kill us if they wanted,” Martin said softly.

“Oh _oh_ Martin why didn’t you tell me?” Jon had noticed Martin was more anxious than usual for the past couple of days but Jon had assumed that was- well the anxiety disorder honestly. He hadn’t wanted to pry.

“I didn’t want to scare you, and it was fine yesterday because you were with Basira and Daisy.”

“Ah… but today I went out alone,” Jon said with dawning understanding.

“Yeah…”

“Okay, I’m here now though, I’m okay.”

Jon knew that would not always be the case, that sometimes he would have to go out on his own and they would have to cross that hurdle soon. 

But not right now. Right now Jon was here.

“Yeah,” Martin said nodding.

“Now what can I do for you?”

“Can we just lay down for a bit?”

“Of Course.”

***

Jon was irrationally excited when Thursday finally came.

A bit too excited truth be told because he woke up at five am and found himself unable to roll over and go back to sleep. So rather than continue shifting and risking rousing Martin from his rest Jon grabbed his headphones and his phone and quietly went out to the dining room, shutting the bedroom door behind him. 

He grabbed a blanket from the couch, pulling it around himself like a cloak, and picked up a throw pillow as well, and put it on the dining room table, crawling up after it, laying down only once his headphones were on then setting his phone to play music.

Mainly things that Jon would never dare listen to where anyone could hear it. Musicals, pop, and the like. Truth be told he had hung out with Tim and Sasha a bit too much back in research and his music taste had never recovered from it.

He used to listen to decent music back when he was with Georgie, niche punk bands who only had their music on cd, classical if he need to focus but sometimes nothing quite felt nice as Hello by Adele or Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran.

He turned the music up just high enough that he knew it would be bad for him and then let his eyes slide shut just feeling the way the notes moved.

He didn’t really know how long it was before he felt Martin’s hand on his arm grounding him back to reality.

He sat up on his elbows and pulled off one headphone, “Morning.”

“Hey Beautiful, having a good morning?”

Jon bobbed his head, “Had trouble sleeping, but the music’s been nice.”

“Nightmares?”

“No ah- just excited?” Jon cast a glance in the direction of his little bed in the corner of the living room, it looked so comfy.

“Oh good, I’m glad. Why don’t we pull something together for breakfast and then we can discuss our plans for today?”

Jon agreed easily enough and after some time the two of them were seated at the table eating scrambled eggs on toast.

“So, I have to finish the jumper I was making for Melanie by tomorrow before you all leave on the trip or she’ll come and break down the door to steal one of yours,” Martin laughed and took a sip of his tea.

Jon had almost forgotten the kayaking trip he’d agreed to with Tim, Daisy, and Melanie. Why had he agreed to that again?

Jon nodded, “Fair.”

“But I was thinking that some of your cat stuff is you napping right?”

“That is my favorite part I won’t lie to you.”

“Good, then I can get some knitting done while you rest later, and when you’re up and wanna play then I can.”

“Sounds good,” Jon agreed, trying not to sound too eager.

“Then I have a request.”

“Go ahead.”

“Afterward, can I do some ridiculously soft aftercare on you? I wanna try it when it’s something less actively intense. Well I mean it’s still a whole headspace thing so it’s still intense but-”

“But this isn’t exactly you tying me up and calling me a whore,” Jon concluded.

Martin choked on his toast and start coughing until he got a sip of tea down, “Not the words I would have chosen but yeah basically. I’d like a bit of a trial run in case it comes up.”

“That sounds lovely if that’s something you feel like doing.”

“Oh good okay. Then when did you want to start?”

"Ah…"

Martin smiled, "Now then?"

"We can wait if you prefer," Jon said quickly

"No I think this is good, c’mon love let's get ready,” Martin stood, empty dishes in hand.

Jon rose unsteadily from the table with his plate and they put them into the dishwasher.

Then they made their way to Martin’s room- no their room.

Martin settled on the bed and looked at Jon.

"What?" Jon asked.

"Nothing I just like looking at you," Martin told him.

"Hmm well be prepared to have your jumper stolen as punishment for this crime."

"Is finding you attractive a crime now?"

"I'm afraid so yes," Jon said turning away from Martin and stripping off his shirt (which also technically belonged to Martin as well and slipped into one of his own tank tops.

"Whatever happened to my jumper?"

"That's just for cuddling purposes I don't feel like wearing that much clothes."

"Fair enough."

He pulled out the jumper that was sort of a burnt-orange color and clutched it to his chest. He wriggled out of his pajama bottoms, leaving him only in his underwear.

"Will you help me put my tail on?" Jon asked.

"Oh! Yeah, hang on," Martin reached under the bed pulling out the box they were keeping cat toys in and he pulled from it a mess of black straps, and hanging from it was a fluffy grey tail. He helped Jon into it tightening the straps just enough to stay on but not be uncomfortable. 

"Okay uh you're all set," Martin said pulling the two fingers away from where they'd been checking the tightness. 

Jon took a step back and twisted to look behind him.

He had a tail! 

He looked at Martin with a grin.

"God you're too cute," Martin whimpered, then whispering as if to himself, "how am I gonna function?"

Jon wiggled a little, feeling it move and brush against his legs. It was so soft.

Jon let out a soft noise followed by frantically excited hand flapping.

"Martin," words felt clumsy now, "I- where am I allowed to play?"

"Uh well let’s not do it here because I have to be in the living room with my supplies and I gotta keep an eye on you to make sure you stay out of trouble right?"

"Okay I'm I'm going to go out there," Jon told him with a serious nod.

"Okay, right behind you with the toys," Martin said, picking up the box and the two of them made their way to the living room.

Once they got there Jon immediately collapsed onto his hands and knees and promptly collapsed onto the rug with a sleepy sigh.

"Oh was that too much walking?" Martin asked, a bit teasing.

Jon furrowed his brow and stuck out his tongue at Martin. 

"Well if you can manage a few more steps you could go lie in your bed," Martin pointed out.

Jon shot up onto hand and knees and all but ran to his new bed. He prodded it gently before climbing into it, curled up. This was the most exciting thing ever, he had to tell Martin.

"Mrah!" Jon said sitting up a little.

"Oh yeah? Is that so?"

Jon nodded emphatically and plopped his head down back on Martin's sweater.

"Okay, you feeling sleepy right now?"

Jon made a low contemplative sound before nodding. He didn't sleep very good last night. Now was a good nap time.

"Okay you sleep and come get me when you’re ready to play, I'll be over here on the couch."

Jon nodded.

***

When Jon woke Martin was not on the couch. He let out a bit of a whine but he could hear movement in some other room so Martin would probably be back soon. So Jon climbed himself up on the couch into Martin's spot and sat there primly waiting for his return.

Martin came back and jumped at the new figure in his seat, "well, look at you, Mr. Seat-Thief-Man. Come up here to thief my seat?"

Jon slumped and pouted at Martin guiltily, "Meow?"

"Well with that logic I suppose you can be excused from your crime."

Jon beamed.

"Are you wanting some attention now?" Martin asked scritching Jon’s head, Jon leaned into the touch, eyes fluttering shut. 

He turned his face into Martin's palm and licked it on an impulse.

Martin laughed as Jon clumsily grabbed his wrist and held him there, pressed to his face.

"May I move my hand now?"

Jon nodded pulling the hand down and back to pet the back of his neck.

"Here, lovely, hang on," Martin pulled away and sat down on the couch next to Jon, "lay down and I’ll give you pets okay?"

That sounded like a good compromise.

***

The one problem with being a kitty is that eventually, Jon had to stop.

It was a good thing because Jon also liked doing people-things but ugh he also had to start talking again. 

“Hey Jon-love, we have that double date with Georgie and Melanie in a couple hours, you wanna start coming back?”

Jon let out a long sigh as if this was a true inconvenience.

“Yes… but I have demand,” Jon muttered sitting up from his spot on the couch next to Martin.

“Oh do you?”

“Yes, kiss please?” Jon turned his face upward toward Martin.

“That I can do,” Martin kissed him briefly and Jon let out a soft sigh.

“Happy?” Martin asked.

Jon looked down, “More so than I could easily express.”

Martin was silent for several seconds before exclaiming, “Hey you!”

He tackled Jon back onto the couch in a bear hug.

“Martin!” Jon exclaimed.

“You can’t just say things like that,” Martin said prodding him in the side a few times, “Bastard man.”

“I have done nothing!” Jon cried, making a desperate bid at wiggling away from Martin with laugh, “No that tickles, Martin, come on!”

“You have made me fall madly in love with you! It’s unfair I never had a chance!” he started tickling Jon’s sides properly.

“H-hey!” Jon managed between peals of laughter, “This is hardly- hahaha good lord stoooop- hardly the soft aftercare I was promised!”

Martin huffed out a laugh and sat back ceasing the attack, “Yeah fine c’mon. You want a shower?”

“Will you join me?” Jon asked through the last of the giggles.

“Will you let me wash your hair?”

“You’re a disgusting romantic I can’t stand it. But yes I suppose I can tolerate your obsession with me for the time being.”

“Oh, an obsession is it?” Martin asked hauling him off the couch by the hand.

“Yes, you’re always following me home, that’s clearly unhealthy,” Jon said matter of factly as they arrived in the bedroom.

Martin walked into the bathroom, and started the water running, “Funny the way I remember it this was _my_ apartment first.”

“Oh dear then I’m afraid I’m the one who’s obsessed with you,” Jon said feigning dismay.

“A terrible choice really.”

“Hey none of that, I don’t accept people talking like that about my future husband,” Jon complained.

Martin just laughed shaking his head, “Get in the shower, love.”

“Oh fine,” Jon said.


	11. Smut 2 (almost vanilla, I tried)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> smut! not much more to say really!  
> this was originally part of the previous chapter but I decided it didn't fit right with the tone so I'm posting them seprately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so they aren't being explicitly kinky during the smut however:  
> -dom jon happens before hand as another "Martin just selfcare pls" moment  
> -jon has a breeding kink he just doesn't know yet  
> \- also fantasizes a little about martin manhandling him but are we really surprised  
> \- terms used for jon's bits here are cock and lips

“Promise to be careful?” Martin asked, passing Jon the last of his gear for the trip.

“Of course, besides I’ll be with Tim, Daisy, and Melanie as if they’d let anything kill me other than them.”

“You’re horrible.”

“In my defense, I have scars from all three of them I am allowed to make jokes, especially when they’re downstairs and can’t hear them.”

“Fair, But you promise not to die?”

“Yes Martin, I won’t die on this trip,” Jon huffed at the utter inconvenience of it all.

“Thank you,” Martin said dropping a kiss to his cheek, “Now get going nature-boy.”

Jon rolled his eyes and made for the door.

“Hey,” Martin said softly, “I love you.”

Jon turned to look at him, “I love you too.”

***

It was three o’clock, and Jon had gotten back this morning and Martin had not moved from his spot at the window in an hour and a half. He was gazing out into the street and Jon had opted not to disturb him for the time being after all Martin needed a certain amount of alone time or he started getting a touch irritable. Which was fine by jon he needed time to catch up on his reading. Of course, he missed Martin and wanted to spend time with him after the time away but… he could respect when martin needed a healthy amount of personal space and if it made Jon a bit anxious that was his problem.

Not everything was a sign of the Lonely, he reminded himself as he reread the first line on the page for the sixth time. Nothing to worry about and nothing to get into Martin’s business about. 

But Martin hadn’t eaten lunch.

Martin needed alone time but he hadn’t eaten lunch.

Jon pulled out his phone and went to his messages with martin sending a, “Have you eaten?”

He knew the answer but that wasn’t the point.

Martin’s phone went off and Martin jumped a little and picked it up.

He started laughing, and turned toward Jon, “Why are you texting me we’re literally in the same room?”

“You… were having alone time?” Jon said cautiously.

“I appreciate you trying to be polite but I’ll let you know when it’s alone time, this was not it. Besides you just went on that kayaking trip for a week, I’m fed up with alone time for now.”

“Oh…. but you were being all quiet and contemplative,” Jon said.

Marti leveled him with a look, “You were reading so i was quiet. And falling asleep with my head against the window is hardly contemplative.”

“You were asleep?!”

“Yeah for a while there until my phone went off, and yeah I’ve eaten don’t worry.”

Jon opened his mouth to continue their slight bickering but then he stopped, “No you haven’t.”

“How do you know, you were reading,” Martin said rolling his eyes and continuing on quickly, “And besides I-”

“I was paying attention to you. It’s been a few weeks since you’ve had any flare-ups of lonely and… well you were alone for a week. So I know you haven’t eaten because I’ve been keeping an eye on you. Why haven’t you?” Jon stood and crossed the room.

Martin sighed, “It’s- it’s not a whole thing today I promise, I’m just… tired. Don’t feel like making something right now and it was kinda nice to just sit still for a while.”

“I could make it for you.”

“You don’t ha-”

“I’m making you a lunch,” Jon said firmly, “Then you will sit there and eat it. You should have told me sooner, I could have made something worth the trouble of chewing but now at the very least I can give you a sandwich.”

“Sorry, I just, you’re sore, you have a reason to be tired I should be doing things for you but-”

“But today you need to be taken care of, that’s alright. I’m more than happy to do it.”

Martin’s eyes looked shiny and his voice came out soft, “I’m sorry.”

Jon came and sat by him on the window bench, “For what?”

“Being… useless sometimes.”

“Hey,” Jon said a little too sharply and Martin flinched, he tried again softer, “Hey, you aren’t a toy or a tool or anything that’s meant to be used. You’re a human person who doesn’t need to have a use all the time. Which means ‘useless’ isn’t even a word that can apply to you.”

Martin was crying now. “I’m sorry,” He said again.

“My love,” Jon said deliberately, cradling Martin’s cheek in his palm and lifting his face, “tell me what I can do to make you feel loved because I have no bloody idea.”

Martin let out a soft chuckle, but said, “I’m fine, You don’t have to.”

“Martin,” Jon was using his best ‘I’m the boss’ voice, “I don’t need you to feel fine, I need you to feel loved. Now are you going to be good and tell me or shall I compel you to?”

Martin’s breath caught, “Oh god I wanna kiss you. Hey, wait! You’ve been gone a week I haven’t built up a resistance to hot boyfriend voice! You can’t just-”

“ _Martin_.”

“I wanna tell you but it’s really dumb,” Martin groaned dropping his face into his hands.

“Tell me anyway,” Jon ordered gently. No compulsion in it of course that was a touch intense for his current aims.

“Could we make a blanket fort?” Martin asked.

Jon smiled a little, Martin was a beautiful man. Jon gave him the option of anything to make him feel loved and he wanted to build a blanket fort.

Jon let the stern demeanor slip not truly having the energy for much more of it, he truly was absolutely exhausted, “I’d love to. Let me make you lunch and we’ll make a blanket fort after.”

***

After nearly an hour of “Maybe the duvet should be on the bottom?” and “Wait, if we leave this side open we can watch TV while we’re inside” the fort was finished. A sheet for the roof so they didnt get too warm, pillows and blankets stacked inside to lay on and cuddle with.

“I spent too long on this to take it apart after six hours so I do hope you’re ready to sleep in here tonight,” Jon said climbing in holding a bowl of crisps. Martin had eaten already but Jon was taking no risks and wanted snacks to be here if Martin got hungry again.

Martin followed behind with his poetry book, the novel jon was reading, and both of their phones, sitting down on the floor and setting them under one of the supporting chairs so they weren’t in the way.

“So what now?” Jon asked.

Martin seemed like he felt better since they’d spent the time building this.

Martin shrugged, “We could just hang out in here… or if you want we could watch a romcom and make-out when it gets cringy.”

“You have a brilliant mind,” Jon said grinning and turning on Netflix looking for something with a trashy plot that would be likely to maximize kisses. 

Sue him, it’d been a week.

“Oh look that one is definitely loosely based on us,” Martin said pointing to a Netflix original called Your Eyes Alone.

Jon read the summary aloud, “A servant of the lonely had resigned herself to a life of being a secretary and never forming a bond more than that she had with the barista at the local coffee shop but could a beholding avatar who worked down in the mailroom change her life forever?”

“Classy,” Martin said with a scoff.

“Leave it to a corporation to use the apocalypse to sell more movies while also being horrifically homophobic,” Jon said dryly, “Shall we watch this dumpster fire?”

“Oh absolutely, how could we not,” Martin said quickly.

“The title alone makes me wanna put my eyes out so this should be fun,” Jon pressed play.

***

"Jameson," the protagonist gasped, taking his hand, "you’re hurt!"

"Oh my god it's literally a papercut," Martin complained, "he isn't going to die. Jon more kisses I can't watch this."

They had only just separated from a kiss three minutes earlier when the protagonist finally stopped monologuing about how the mailroom boy had, “Opened her eyes to the world.”

This movie was worse than the hallmark movies martin had made him watch last Christmas. And Jon was happy for the distraction. 

Jon leaned in and kissed Martin slowly, tongue sliding over tongue in a way that made Martin make a noise, handing sliding down Martin's side to rest on his thigh pulling him closer. 

Jon dipped his head down to start sucking marks into Martin's neck, enjoying the way Martin whined at it. He moved closer as Martin tilted his head back allowing Jon easier access. Martin’s hand had found Jon’s hair not tugging if anything nudging him closer to Martin’s neck.

"H-hey uhm jon?" He panted, as Jon caught a sensitive piece of skin between gentle teeth.

Jon broke off, "Yes?"

"Kissing is nice but er- neck kissing is…"

"Oh, I’m sorry I didn't ask I-"

"No, no, I am thoroughly enjoying it,” Martin said quickly, “but uh- we should probably stop this now unless you’re okay with me getting turned on."

"I certainly wouldn’t mind it. Is that alright with you?" Jon asked cautiously.

Martin blinked, "Yeah, God yeah, uh did you have anything in mind beyond that or should I excuse myself in a bit?"

"I want you, want you here, want to be able to keep kissing you through all of that," Jon said pressing his hips forward, "how would you prefer we do that?"

The movie continued playing, long forgotten.

"Nothing fancy, Can I just…?" Martin trailed his fingers down Jon’s abdomen hesitating at the waistband of his pants.

Jon hesitated, he wanted to say yes but first…

"I'm not pressuring you, am I? I know you weren't feeling too good before..."

"No, I- Now I just feel… really good and my incredibly hot boyfriend has been kissing me for over an hour and I think touching him would feel good."

"Ah lovely,” Jon said, weakly, “If you removed your pants I’d like to do the same.”

“God yeah, will you do yours too?”

“Absolutely,” Jon said quickly wriggling out of the unnecessary layers that were keeping Martin from touching him and then grabbing at Martin’s trousers pushing them down as Martin undid his own shirt.

“Do you want your shirt?” Martin asked, putting his hands on Jon’s shoulder.

“Not too attached to it, just leave the binder?”

“You got it,” Martin said, unbuttoning Jon’s shirt as he kicked off the fabric that was caught around his ankles.

That’s when Jon realized Martin was fully naked in front of him. He was hard and oh boy Jon was having thoughts. Ideas. 

“Oh god,” Jon whispered, as Martin pushed the shirt off his shoulders, “Hey can I grind my cock against yours?”

Martin inhaled sharply, and leaned forward burying his face in Jon’s neck, “God yeah.”

Jon breathed out shuddering as Martin’s tongue found a way to his neck. Jon nervously spread his legs and pressed forward until he felt Martin’s skin pressed against his cock.

“Oh,” he moaned, rolling his hips.

“oh,” Martin gasped, pressing forward.

Jon’s fingernails found Martin’s back and Martin arched whacking his head on one of the dining room chairs that formed the pillars of their fort.

“Ow! Oh fuck that hurt,” Martin said rubbing at the back of his head with a laugh, “Gotta say haven’t had sex in a blanket fort before and the setting certainly hasn’t won any points for itself so far.”

Jon laughed and shrugged a little, “I don’t know I think the close quarters suit us.”

He ground down into Martin’s erection again.

“Mmm,” Martin groaned half pleasure, half residual pain, “You aren’t playing fair. Gimme a second to recover.”

“Very sorry.”

“S’okay,” Martin said shifting his hips away and his chest closer, “Hey, so out of curiosity from the one who makes more of a mess when he comes, what’s our plan?”

“That’s… a good point. No offense but I am unwilling to let you come in my mouth,” Jon said gently.

“Oh no yeah that’s fair,”

“And as we don’t have any contraceptives that limits our other easy to clean up option…”

“Jon!” Martin huffed pulling Jon closer by the hip.

“What what I’m just exploring id- ideas!” Jon gasped as Martin pressed him back and spread his legs enough to wedge himself between them.

“Fine idea-man, you got anything else?” Martin asked sounding a little breathless.

“Sorry, I’m out solutions that don’t end in us crawling out of here and cleaning up. Oh god do that again please.”

Martin did, the tip of his cock catching against Jon’s in the wet slid of things, he repeated it a few more times making them both moan. And for all the heat in the moment Jon couldn’t help but admire how honestly beautiful martin was in the dim light of the little haven they’d built. The feeling of Martin between his legs felt terrifying and vulnerable god so good. Martin was making soft noises as he kept moving against Jon and god he was pressed impossibly close.

Martins hands were splayed across Jon’s ribs, his face was flushed and his mouth hung open. His fingers gripped just slightly and Jon wondered if Martin was strong enough to just move him around if he wanted to.

“I cannot believe how good you feel, so soft,” Martin breathed pressing his forehead to Jon’s.

“Martin,” Jon breathed like a prayer, “Martin. Yesss oh god.”

“I sure hope you’re getting close because if not this is going to be very embarrassing for me very soon.”

"You're not alone there," Jon managed between gasps, wrapping a leg around Martin and holding him there.

"Mmm yes love," Martin breathed, "ah-ah- mhhh…."

Then there was slick between Jon’s legs that wasn’t from him. And… good lord martin just came on him and that shouldn’t make Jon’s stomach swoop the way it did.

Martin pulled away as his cock began to soften and Jon whined, “Hey!”

“Well I’m sorry I just thought my fingers might be more helpful,” Martin said with a chuckle.

“This is no laughing matter, fingers please now,” Jon demanded. And as simple as that martin’s hand was between his legs spreading his lips gently and brushing softly against his cock with his middle finger in a way that gave Jon almost no stimulation but he could Martin’s come being rubbed onto his cock, he squirmed, trying to move closer, “I’m not porcelain a little harder please.”

Martin rubbed a little more firmly, petting over Jon’s cock.

Jon placed his hand over Martin’s, “Little circles.” He guided Martin’s movement for a moment. 

“That’s good,” Jon managed, “Just- just like that.”

“Enjoying yourself?” Martin said teasingly.

“Just shut up and kiss me,” Jon said, rolling his hips against Martin’s hand.

“Happy to oblige,” Martin said pressing his mouth to Jon’s, his fingers laced into Jon’s hair and tugged just enough. Jon gripped at Martin’s shoulder feeling the muscle flex under a layer of fat. 

Martin was strong enough that truth be told he needn’t do anything Jon asked. If he wanted he could just pin Jon down and take him-

“Oh-!” Jon broke away as he tumbled over the edge the shocks of pleasure shuddering through him.

He panted, catching his breath, and realized his fingernails were digging into Martin’s shoulders as he came down, he released his grip quickly, “Sorry.”

“You’re all good, my love,” Martin said, “Now how bout we uh- pause the movie and go clean up.”

Jon blinked and looked up at the telly which was indeed still going with that awful movie, “God just turn it off we can just find something else to watch.”

“Thank god.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back at it again with an update but this one's just horny lmao
> 
> Also I'm adding names for the chapters so I rember what happened in 'em from the index because there's too many chapters for me to remember what happened when and it's making referring past stuff hard to do


End file.
